Forgiving the UnforgiveableWritten by Lynne Kaska
Forgiving Unforgivable How many years are you going to carry that unforgivable injury? How many years are you going to be controlled by it? How painful is it to carry this pain? What is it costing you? What are payoffs for holding onto it? When you get sick and tired of carrying this, you'll make choice to let it go and to forgive that person for hurting you. The results will be indescribable. Let me start off by telling you a little bit about what forgiveness is not. The most important thing for me to remember is that forgiveness is does NOT mean that what injurer did is right. It does not mean that you are letting them off hook for their behavior. It odes not mean that you have to disassociate from that person. It's not done for injurer. What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is a conscious choice that we make for ourselves. It is a choice that we make to not allow those that have hurt us to have power over us. Not only is it important for us to forgive those people who have harmed us, I have found that it is essential for me to forgive myself as well. Usually it's me that is my own worst enemy. Now that we have identified what forgiveness is and is not, it's time to look at just how do we make that conscious choice. Step One: Identify Injury Of course, in order to forgive someone, we have to identify injury and pain it caused. Below is a list of several questions to ask yourself in order to help you identify people YOU need to forgive. With each person who has hurt you in life, answer following questions: 1. What has injury cost you? 2. How is carrying pain and anger working for you? 3. What is payoff for carrying pain and anger? 4. What would it be like to let this go? Step Two: Validating Your Feelings When I went through process of forgiving people that have hurt me, most important step for me was to understand that even though I am choosing to forgive and let go, it doesn't invalidate way I feel. It was absolutely essential for me to validate my own feelings and to tell myself that those feelings were okay to have. I didn't think that validating my feelings would make such a big difference in making choice to forgive. When I knew that my feelings about injury were very real, it took power away from fear that I felt about letting go of injury. Step Three: Asking for Guidance Asking for guidance in making decision to forgive was huge for me. I knew in my heart that I couldn't overcome this alone. I found people that understood where I was coming from. They may not have been through exact same situation, but they understood my feelings. Those people had to be safe for me, and trustworthy. The support that they offered me was instrumental in my forgiveness. You don't ever have to go through anything alone. For me people that I went to for support were people who had gone through this process before me. They knew my fears, they knew my hurt and pain, and they could walk through it with me because they've been there themselves.
| | Fear of FlyingWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The plane was bouncing hard as we were starting our decent into Albuquerque. Living in Santa Fe, I’ve flown in and out of Albuquerque airport a lot due to my workshop schedule. It’s always bumpy. The woman sitting next to me was gripping armrests and shaking, scared to death. I turned to her and asked her if she would like some help. She nodded. “Don’t worry, nothing bad is going to happen. We are safe.” “How do you know that?” she asked. “If you were to move out of what your mind is telling you that is scaring you and open to a different Source of Truth, you would know too. Your mind, which is devoted to trying to control things, is freaking out due to feeling so out of control. It’s this feeling of being out of control that is scaring you. And, of course, you have no control over plane or over pilot. But if you tune into real Source of Truth, which is definitely not your mind, you will know that we are safe. Imagine that your mind is like your personal computer, which only contains what has been programmed into it. Imagine that Source of Truth is like Internet – a vast network of information that you can easily access. Imagine Source of Truth as a beautiful light filled with all wisdom of universe. Open to learning with this Source of Truth and ask, ‘Are we safe?’ Try it and see what happens. Just focus your whole being on wanting to know truth.” The women was terrified enough to try it, even though I think she thought I was crazy. She closed her eyes and focused on question, “Are we safe?” A moment later she opened her eyes, clearly surprised. “I heard in my mind, ‘You are safe.’ Did I just make that up?” “How do you feel if you decide to believe it?” “Much better! I’m not feeling so scared!” “That’s because our emotions are an accurate guide of whether or not we are telling ourselves truth. Our emotions are a great gift from our Source. We will always feel badly when we are telling ourselves a lie, and we will feel happy and peaceful when we are operating from Truth. You were terrified because you were telling yourself a lie, and now you are fine because you are telling yourself truth. Whether you believe this is coming from within you or from without is not important. What is important is to know that you can access Truth. I always ask this question BEFORE I fly, so that I know whole time that I am safe, bumps and all.”
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