Forgiving an AffairWritten by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com
The discovery of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your surroundings will look same afterwards because you have not yet started coping with what has transpired. You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught off guard. You never thought this would happen to you. So when it does, what should you do when this painful truth is revealed and how can you forgive it? The first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your body. Holding your feelings in will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous amount of stress both physically and mentally. Once you have expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking more slowly and rationally. You will start examining your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You will create a chain of questions that have not yet been answered and will start feeling farther and farther away from getting any of them answered. Everything will be sorted out time, but first thing is first… and that is getting your emotions sorted out. Once your emotions have been expressed and sorted out, it is important to remember to not give affair more power over your life than it deserves, even though at time being, it feels like end of world. The fact of matter is, it is not end of world, but has changed your world and way you look at it, which is understandable. Know that your partner’s affair has nothing to do with his or her love for you, nor does it make you a failure in relationships. What affair does tell you though, is that there are essential issues that need to be addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know that (without getting violent or throwing them out of course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal with issues in your relationship and you are not ready to talk about it just yet. When you are ready, where do you start? It will be difficult to focus on discussion if you are torturing yourself with visual thoughts of cheating act. Make an effort to be strong and avoid unnecessary painful thoughts that will in no way make you feel better or get your relationship back on track. You know what goes on when two people are intimate, so save yourself details you already know and spare yourself hurt. The focus is to find and establish reasons for affair and ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved affair proof relationship. Good communication will be key to your road to recovery, so be sure to ask right questions, listen with undivided attention and understanding, as well as answering questions you are asked and finding suitable solutions on how to prevent same event in future. Anger, as well as other emotions, will arise while you and your partner attempt to make things right and better. You may blow up during discussions because your mind will re-fresh your memory of how your partner had guts to betray you and how stupid, hurt and disrespected it made you feel. Your partner (the afairee) may also become upset because of your non-stop attacks on him or her, especially if they confessed and genuinely apologized. Before attempting any conversations regarding affair, be sure that you and your partner agree to disagree and express anger. You both need to have patience for each other’s feelings, for it will take time to get past emotional outbursts. If things start getting out of control and you find yourselves no longer talking, but only yelling and blaming instead, end conversation and give each other some space. You may need to do this several times until you can talk without such interruptions. Take it one step at a time. After all, if you and your partner have made a decision to make things work, then there is no need to rush and panic.
| | Your Health and Your WeightWritten by Susan Rutter
Healthy Living Through The Ages! Like a good friend, a good attitude towards fitness and nutrition doesn't abandon us as we age. It matures right along with us, evolving as our lives change. That means we don't have to give up activities or foods we love based on number of birthdays we've celebrated. "Research suggests that half drop in function assumed to be linked to aging is now thought to be related to inactivity," says Elizabeth Ready, an exercise physiologist and associate dean of education and recreation at University of Manitoba in Winnipeg. So healthy, active women can continue to pursue challenging physical activity even into old age. Still, a certain amount of common sense is in order. What was demanding and fulfilling in our 20s, for example may be too time-consuming in our 30s and 40s, too extreme in our 50s and just downright foolish in our 60s. Our nutritional needs also evolve as we age, says Rosie Schwartz, a registered dietician/nutritionist in Toronto. "What is considered a healthy diet for a 25- year-old woman in her peak reproductive years will be different than that of a 60-year-old at increased risk of osteoporosis and heart disease." And women of all ages need to ensure that they're getting enough of female-friendly nutrients -- calcium, folate, iron and zinc -- that are essential for maintaining a woman's health throughout her life. Read on to discover how tweaking your fitness and nutritional goals can keep you looking good and feeling great at any age! Health Concerns: This is time to establish healthy lifestyle habits that will help prevent heart disease, osteoporosis, diabetes and other diseases later in life, says "Dr. Miriam Kaufman, a specialist in adolescent health at Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto. Proper nutrition, exercise and sleep are also first steps in managing stress and anxiety. This is a time of life, too, when mental health can be at risk -- major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and substance-abuse disorders have their onset at this age. Kaufman recommends that even healthiest young person visit a family doctor once a year. Fitness Goals: Our bodies are in peak form in our 20s, so now is time to expand aerobic capacity and sample some new sports. Since you're less likely to have financial constraints, children and a mortgage in your 20s, you may want to indulge in active vacations and invest in good-quality sports equipment. Suggested Activities: Team sports or rugged individual pursuits such as rock climbing and mountain biking, as well as high-impact activities such as jogging and aerobics, will help build strong bones for future. Nutritional Goals: No matter how energetic you are, late nights and skipped meals can take their toll and nutritional shortfalls each up with you, says Schwartz. Make sure you're getting enough iron - 18 milligrams per day -- since too little can lead to iron deficiency anemia, most common nutritional deficiency in Canadian women. As well, health experts recommend that all women of child-bearing age take 0.4 milligrams of folic acid (folate) daily at least three months before conception to help reduce chances of birth defects such as spina bifida. Studies have shown that folate may also help reduce risk of heart disease and cervical cancer. Maintaining a healthy weight also safeguards your ability to conceive, since being too heavy or too thin interferes with ovulation. And a health weight ha a major impact on your health later in life, helping to prevent diseases such as osteoporosis, diabetes and high blood pressure. Healthy Living Through The Ages in 30s! Health Concerns: After age of 35, your body begins to exhibit first stage of aging, says Helen Perrault, an exercise physiologist and chair of McGill University physical education department in Montreal. Bone mass has reached it's peak, and endurance and muscle mass are starting to decline. Muscle loos in sedentary individuals can be as much as half a pound a year. Loss of muscle mass causes body to burn fewer calories daily, which can slow down metabolism by as much as two percent per decade, says Perrault. That, combined with lack of exercise, child-bearing and a busy work schedule, can have a nasty effect on weight. With women trying to juggle family and workaday demands, high levels of anxiety and stress are also a concern during this decade. Fitness Goals: Motherhood and fitness can be uneasy partners, according to a 1999 study at University of Minnesota in Minneapolis which found that physical activity dropped 14 percent after women had children. With time at a premium, traditional exercise programs may be too difficult to follow, says Robin Mech, a fitness co-ordinator at MacMab Street YWCA in Hamilton. Mech recommends trying two 15-minute workouts instead of one 30-minute workout. "You'll keep your fitness level up, and it'll be easier to fit them into your schedule," she says. Mech also recommends being flexible and what kind of exercise you pursue. For example, take stairs every chance you get and do bicep curls with milk/grocery bag while waiting in line at grocery store. Suggested Activities: Try activities such as jogging, walking or cycling, which can be performed close to home and involve a minimum of scheduling. Bicycle, walk or in-line skate when you're doing local errands or visiting friends in neighborhood. It may be easier to try to exercise as a family, cycling or hiking together, than to search for those elusive 30 minutes of private time. Nutrition Goals: These are time-crunch years, says Schwartz, and healthy meals can fall by wayside as work deadlines and kids'after-school schedules get in way. However, taking time to eat properly can help counteract effects of stress.
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