For Caregivers: Letting Go of the "G" Word... GUILT (Give Undeserved Illusions Little Thought)Written by William Hammond, J.D.
What is guilt? According to Dictionary.com, it is being responsible for commission of an offense. Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong. Self-reproach for inadequacy or wrongdoing. Is it fact, that you, caregiver, are responsible for an offense? Have you done something wrong? Quite contrary. You have taken on responsibility of caring for a person you love very much. You did not ask for this person to have Alzheimer's Disease, nor did you ask to be caregiver. This is a situation that life has presented to you and you have stepped up to plate. It was a choice to care. What a brave, honorable decision you made. Whether you care for them by yourself or you have assistance (in home care, day care or nursing home care), you are "one" there for them. Why do you take responsibility for things you're not "guilty" of? Is your best not good enough? Of course it is. So, why do you feel inadequate? Because you set goals that are unattainable for anyone to reach. I have worked with many caregivers over past 20 years and majority of them faced feelings of guilt. They put their ALL into caregiving and yet, never felt as if they were doing enough. If you are doing your best, then you are doing enough. You are not guilty of anything. You have not been "sentenced" to this situation, it has been given. When something is given, it is a gift. You can't control what is given to you, but you can control how you choose to respond. A real life example: Several years ago I worked with a man who was caregiver for his wife with Alzheimer's Disease. They had been high school sweethearts and had been married close to 55 years when I met them. I remember first day he talked with me, he was distraught, beside himself, sort of "scattered." (Little did I know, he and his wife had been presenters for Dale Carnegie series, obviously not a "scattered" man). This was a man feeling stress of caring for his wife. When he made decision to take care of himself and get a break, he brought his wife to day center where I worked. Soon after, I began to see a transformation of his state of mind. He was at ease, happy, alive! One day he confided in me about a change in his attitude. He said when he would put his wife to bed at night and finally sit down to relax, there she was. He said moment he saw her, his entire body would tense up, feeling as if he were going to explode. After several of these incidents and feeling much guilt, he said to himself, "something has to change, she can't, so I must." He said he suddenly remembered someone telling him "to give thanks for ALL things." That was his turning point. From that point on when his wife would come out of room at night, he would greet her, sit her next to him on couch. and hold her hand, as if they were dating again. This change in his. response not only calmed him, but had a calming effect on her, allowing her to rest better when she did go to bed. He gave thanks for "extra" time he had with her. I still to this day think of them often and have such admiration for that man, husband...caregiver. I'm thankful for his example.
| | Exercise for ImmunityWritten by Dr. Donald A. Miller
Recent publications and news items show that moderate exercise works with good diet to enhance immune systems. It does not take much. Just walking a few miles per week can help prevent cancers in various parts of body, as an example.I'm not a body builder, although I respect people who are. My ideal is to keep a slender, wiry body, such as a runner or swimmer. Typically I spend only 15 to 45 minutes per day, which is nothing compared to an Arnold Schwarzenegger work out. Here's my basic routine. After breakfast and before my shower, at least 20 to 30 pushups, then 20 to 30 knee curls. For curls, I lie on my back and draw my knees to almost touch my chest. After my shower, long enough for my arms to recover a bit, I do at least 15 to 20 chinups from an in-door-way bar. Thus, I have stimulated my arm and chest muscles, abdomen, and lower back. If I have any lower back aches, which can happen from too much sitting, I tilt my pelvis back and forth, either while still on my back or standing, 10 to 30 times. By way, this stretcher can be done nearly any where, if one does not make moves very obvious. Depending on my mood, available time, and weather, I do one of following. #1. As a break from any work, I take at least a 30 minute brisk walk, which covers about 1.8 to 2 miles in my neighbor-hood. While walking, I occasionally rotate my wrists, or wiggle them in all directions, to head off repetitive stress syndrome. I also ease my shoulders by moving them up / down and front / back, or stretching my arms out and rotating them.
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