We have been told that things we don't like in our children are same things we don't like in ourselves. We are told that we project our own flaws and issues onto our perceived enemies in an attempt to work them out within ourselves. We stereotype people according to who they hang out with. Birds of a feather flock together. We're attracted to people like ourselves, with same flaws.

To carry concept further, those traits and attributes that we admire in our heroes are within us. Just as with our flaws, we are simply projecting our virtues onto others in an attempt to work them out within ourselves. We are attracted to certain people because they reflect our own aspects back at us. What's that mean?

Let's start with an exercise. Without regards to a persons looks or what they do for a living, think about people that you've admired in your life. On a piece of paper, write down a list of people that have inspired you. Who has touched your heart? Who were your heroes? Make it as long or as short as you like. Which teachers, athletes, movie characters, and politicians have motivated you? Who makes your heart feel warm and enthusiastic?

When you've finished writing down your list of heroes, shift gears and think about traits they have that you admire so much. Are they compassionate, steadfast, loyal, happy, determined, or laidback? Go through each person on your list one at a time and spend some time thinking about their virtues. What makes them so special that you put them on your list of heroes? As you reflect on these people and their attributes, list various traits on a separate piece of paper. Place check marks beside those that get more than one 'vote.'

My lists looked like this:

Mother Daughter Son Victoria (minister) Jennifer (best friend) Jon (doctor friend) Mother Teresa Princess Diana Daniel (musician friend) Simone (artist friend) Vivian Leigh Ron (director friend) Albert Einstein

No worries about money //////// Giving ////////// Kindness ////////// Loyal /////// Joyful attitude ////// Self-confidence /////// Intelligence ////////// Sense of humor /////// Follows dreams ///////// Believes in "the Force" /////////// Not a quitter //////////

I had visions of my daughter for about five years before she finally showed up. She turned out exactly like little girl in my dreams who had haunted me all that time. I was so very glad to see that she was alive and real. I always thought she must somehow be more magical and special then other normal kids.

Her older brother had told her about reincarnation when she was only two years old. She would later yell at me during her tantrums, "Next time I'm born, I'm not gonna be your daughter!!!" I'd always laugh at her and say, "Oh yes you will! You have to be my daughter forever and ever!" She'd storm off to her room until she was done being angry about whatever it is that little girls get angry about.

She always acted like an old woman who was wiser than my son and I were. We had just sort of gotten used to baby in family behaving as old one. When she was three she asked me one day, "Do you know why I was late?"

As I continued messing with my makeup and fixing my hair in bathroom mirror I asked her, "Late for what?"

"For being born."

She had been due on Christmas Eve and instead had decided to show up on New Year's Eve. "Why were you late?"

"Well," She replied quite matter of factly. "It was Jesus' birthday and I didn't want to leave early."

I was a bit taken aback, "Who told you about Jesus?" I'm not a traditional Christian and hadn't told my children anything about traditional organized religions yet. We didn't have any family or friends around who would have told her of such things. How in world did she know about Jesus?

"Jesus is my friend. He lives in heaven with Michael and Cracker."

"Who's Michael and Cracker?"

She looked at me like I was silly for not knowing as she said, "Michael's my friend. He's going to help me find my new dad. Cracker is a clown and goes like this." With that she started rolling around and doing somersaults and trying to do cartwheels. Then she stopped and looked up at me and said, "They're still up in heaven playing with Jesus. When I get done with this life, I'm going back up there to play and I'm not coming down again."

"Why? Don't you like it here?"

With a rather bored look on her face she said, "Yeah, but I've already learned all my lessons and I only came because you wanted me to."

"Are you upset that I pulled you away from your friends?"

"No, I love you, so I came back. But I'm just not coming back again after I'm all done helping you this time." With that, we pretty much established that she was indeed old soul caretaker of family. We kind of already knew that.