Life has thrown one of these cold hard facts my way. My dad, as I tell people, 'isn't doing well'. He's doing as well as can be expected 'under circumstances'. The circumstances seem to be that all of his organs are slowing down and refusing to work way they were intended to work. He's not in pain but he's not really himself either. He's not loving vital man I remember, man whose faults sometimes outweighed his virtues, but whose love and strength and gentleness are legacy he will leave. He wasn't a talker, but he was a feeler. And I'm incredibly grateful for all years we've had together, and God willing, for more times together in future.

But, those times won't be same. That much I've come to accept, although I've spent last 6 months to a year, pretending that it wasn't so. But pretending didn't change cold hard facts. Because we are separated geographically (about an 8 hours drive worth) I don't get to see my parents as often as I'd like. And that certainly helped me maintain illusion. I didn't want to believe it, so it wasn't so!

Last weekend, my husband and I did a quick trip down to visit my parents and see my dad in hospital. Before I left, I was speaking to a friend, who was talking about her relationship with her elderly parents. At some point in conversation, she talked about being 'complete' with her parents and asked me if I was 'complete' with my dad.

That definitely started me thinking. To be 'complete' means to have no unfinished business with someone or some thing. I am grateful to her for asking me that question, because otherwise I'm not sure I would have thought about it until it was too late. The more I thought about it, though, more I realized that I did feel complete. That there was nothing left unfinished or unsaid. And as I sat by his bedside, I was sure. My heart is filled with sadness, but it is natural sadness of passage of time and our inability to stop process of aging.

If It looks Like a Skunk, And It Smells Like A Skunk…

It just might not be a skunk. Don't assume too quickly. It's time to take your eyes off how things look; from way it feels; what it sounds like; what it smells like; what it tastes like; because that's source of your pressure.

Listen to this: Reality might be a fact; but, it's not always truth! If it looks bad, that's a fact. If news you receive turns your face as white as a sheet, that's a fact. But, those things are not always eternal truth.

Remember this: truth never changes. Facts are subject to change. And, change is one thing we can always depend on. To illustrate my point: if you are still alive, then not one "fact" you've ever faced, that you thought was going to kill you, has yet!

You see, in heat of battle pressure that you're feeling is caused by looking at, feeling, acknowledging, and sensing pressure of circumstances in your emotions. You are thinking about and worrying about problem . And, again, that's not your problem.

Bending Over Backwards!

If you could make problem go away, you would, wouldn't you? At present moment let's assume you can't make problem go away. Is there anything you can do? Well, let's see. You can conjure up all kinds of doo-doo in your mind that would make Freddie Kruger look harmless.

You could spend then next forty years holding resentment and bitterness, because of terrible things that happened to you, till you've got one foot in grave.

But, obviously those things are not in your best interest. You could yell at your spouse and kick your cat. But, that really won't help either. The healthiest thing you can do is separate pressure from problem. I.e. circumstances.

If problem won't go away immediately, don't let problem push your emotions around. Now, sometimes this takes some practice; because our emotions are affected by circumstances. But, that's not where rub is.

Calm Before The Storm!

The intensity of our emotions is affected by severity of circumstances. Pay attention to your emotions. Notice when something minor happens how it has a minor effect on your emotions.

Notice when something major happens how it makes your emotions send shivers down your spine. The severity of problem has a tendency to make us feel either able to handle it or like taking a long walk off a short pier.

Personally, I believe this is for our testing. If everything we faced in life were simple, then we would develop a god like attitude of invincibility. If you never felt helpless in anything think about how you would esteem yourself.

A little humility is not all that bad. What is bad, is our emotions turning us into a Zombie; creating enough fear that our emotions are up and down like a toilet seat at a mixed party. Every time that happens, it makes us less effective for next test.