Fear of FirstsWritten by Louise Morganti Kaelin
Have you ever noticed that there is a surge of energy anytime you try anything for first time. Sometimes it's pure excitement, anticipation of good feeling you know you're going to have after you've done it. Sometimes it's nervousness, usually because you don't know exactly how you're going to feel once it's done, but potential good feeling seems more likely than potential bad feeling. And sometimes it's good old-fashioned fear, anticipation that outcome of what we want to do will hurt us in some way, either physically or emotionally. Excitement and nervousness could be considered beneficial (or at least, neutral), in that they don't stop us from doing what we want to do. Fear, on other hand, can be positive or negative. It's positive when it stops us from doing something stupid that could potentially harm us. [I should point out that habitual risk-takers might approach those same events with excitement. This is probably a better way to approach life, as long as common sense is involved!] 'Negative' fear, however, usually just stops us from doing what we want to do, what makes sense for us to do, what takes us closer to our goals. In this case, we're usually afraid of not getting what we want and/or of looking silly/stupid/inadequate while we're doing it. The longer we give in to this fear, stronger it becomes, harder it is to do new thing, and further away from our goals we get. The only thing gained by allowing fear to stop us is to GUARANTEE that we won't get what we want! This is probably pretty obvious to you, but I needed it pointed out to me, so maybe it helps to state it here! When fear is really strong, we sometimes look for deep, unconscious motivation for fear. This trap is particularly deadly because we all have experienced times when our fear WAS rooted deep in our subconscious from events early in our lives. Very often, that type of fear does need some awareness or healing before you can move past it. The trap is that every time you feel a fear that you can't put aside easily, you decide it's deep and you need to do some specific work around fear. This shifts our focus from action we want to take to fear itself. We start thinking about fear, what's causing it, and how we can get over it. The bottom line is that we end up by giving ourselves permission NOT TO ACT! If it's truly not right time for something to happen then, in my experience, it usually doesn't. But we shouldn't under-estimate power of not wanting to look silly or inadequate, and fear that might happen often makes us delay taking action long past right time. How often have you finally done something you'd been putting off and then asked yourself, 'Why in world did I wait so long to do this?' If you can think of a lot of examples, then you've got a classic case of 'Fear of Firsts'!
| | 10 steps to a dynamic relationshipWritten by Francisco Bujan
10 Steps to a dynamic relationship- Dialogue. Create a Forum Space. - Renew, Refresh Be open for new ideas, change. Think of modern trends, etc. - Spontaneity Anything to break habits. Respond to inspiration, to new streams. - Have "Relationship Ambitions" Material, business, travels, discoveries, projects, etc. - Maintain a dynamic individual integrity Maintain activities where you are not together with your partner. Keep space for "external friendships"... "Time off"... Allow it to happen and go for it, even if you might miss other person during that time.
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