Circulating Internet not long ago was a wonderful piece on children’s definitions of love. One child said, “I know someone loves me when my name feels safe in their mouth.” There’s nothing sweeter than to hear our name in love. Naming your child is one of first important acts you perform for them. Naming things gives us a sense of mastery. Remember Creation story in Bible? It’s all about naming things, and about creating order out of chaos. To be named gives us a sense of self. Remember first time your toddler named himself by his own name – great “I am.” My friends’ son announced one day, “I go store and I ARE JOHN.”But what “self” are you giving your child when you name him or her?
Steven D. Levitt, talks about names in his book “Freakonomics.” He quotes a family court judge who couldn’t help but notice “the strange names borne by some offenders,” like Temptress, a girl who was charged with “ungovernable behavior,” which included bringing men into home while mother was at work. He took mother aside and asked her why she had named her daughter Temptress. She said she liked actress on The Cosby Show. The judge informed her actress’ name was actually Tempestt Bledsoe (not that I’d name a daughter “Tempest” either!). She said she hadn’t known that at time.
Then he asked mother if she knew what word “temptress” meant. She said she hadn’t at time, but found out later.
The judge mentioned another family that gave their child a madeup name – from acronym of hospital where child was born.
One would imagine these folks put more time and thought into choosing a car than in choosing their child’s name.
Levitt talks about names that have economic repercussions, point being that while some parents make up names for their children, most names in US come from other languages and have meanings and/or connotations. These meanings are in collective unconscious (Jungian term), even if, like Temptress’ mother, you are mindless.
I’m reminded of child psychologist who told me he was seeing a girl who was an identical twin. The parents had named twin girls Sugar and Spice. Guess which one was in counseling?
What you name your children is important, in itself and also in terms of sibling rivalry. Let’s take for example when there are two sons. This issue is confronted head-on when British refer to Henry and Will as “the heir and spare.”
In patrilineal cultures, possessions belong to father and when he dies, they go to firstborn son. In feudal times, first son got land and title and was a lord, second son went into military, and third son (having no possessions whatsoever) went into monastery. We honor this old idea when we name first son “Jr.” The idea is that first son is more important somehow.
I looked up meanings of names of some of first and second sons I know and look what I came up with. Watch progression from a name with an aggressive meaning, to name of a neutral or inanimate object, to something spiritual.
Gerald – spear warrior John – gift of God
Neil – champion Samuel – asked of God, or God listens
Rod – famous ruler Brad – from broad meadow
Marshall – keeper of horses Chester – from fortified camp
Neil – champion Bruce – woodlands
Robert – bright fame John – gift of God
Ronald – powerful, mighty Donald – brown stranger
Bryan – strong Kevin – gentle, lovable
Robert – bright fame John – gift of God
Doug – from dark water John – gift of God