Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.
FAMOUS LAST WORDS ...or, are you sure power is off?
-- By Sherlock Tidpit, a jest-in-time™ technology expert, (and amateur sci-fi investigator of certain rare extra-terrestrial phenomena such as timid “Stippleback Sourpuss”, ever-elusive, wingless “Surly Spatterbug”, and invisible, two-tailed “Soiled Specklemonger”)
A recent survey by WHAMS, (World Hoof & Mouth Society), indicates that more people these days are putting their feet (and in some cases hoofs) in their mouths than ever before.
Evidence suggests that a pandemic plague in frequent flopping, habitual botching, and ubiquitous blundering from such convexed contortions could have a deleterious effect upon health and well-being of all living things on planet.
Leading scientific researchers, (just a titch left of centre), attribute this rather odd behavior or recreational pastime to indubitable fact that humans require a minimum of fifteen minutes of fame during their lifetime (no matter what cost or consequences). A minority group of right-wing researchers on fringes of frank thought and utilitarian understanding argue that this behavior is not unusual or statistically significant since large mammals with feet outnumber mouths by a factor of 2:1 and, in some cases, by as much as 4:1.
Healers from around globe, (a traditionally spell-binding, pill-popping, and cut-it-out group of practitioners), have however been a tad overwhelmed by flood of fools showing up for treatment at medical facilities, truth temples, and local fix-it shops.
On other hand, dentists everywhere, (a traditionally happy-go-lucky lot), are reporting a higher burn-out rate than expected, due to an alarming increase in rate of emergency hoof extraction procedures performed on hordes of frantic fools turned away by physicians, hands-on-healers, and snake charmers.
Grief counselors and social workers from every nook and cranny, (a traditionally taciturn group of professionals), are disturbed by chronic level of under-funding for programs to assist victims of foot folly who’ve fallen not surprisingly between cracks. They will be launching a petition shortly to lobby government officials for more money, or failing that, at very least ... an opportunity to be touched by an angel, dabbed by wand of a fairy godmother, or maybe a night out on town with "The Man from Glad".
Transnational financial institutions (a traditionally tight-wad group of titans with a penchant for taboo tattoos) have expressed concern about never-before-seen deluge in requests from distraught dingbats, wayward wingnuts, and testy tomfools wishing to cash out their savings or cash-in their insurance policies. This unprecedented activity is jamming phone lines to call centres, crashing computer systems, and overheating economy leading to a currency crisis, an inflated funny-money supply, and an exponential growth in money-laundering machines (that won't take quarters).