Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved inrepparttar affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes."

People can’t say no? Well, I believe we all haverepparttar 146281 capacity, at some level, to say no. However, not all have developed that capacity or reached that level to firmly say no and mean it.

Some are “stuck” and seem to lackrepparttar 146282 ability to consistently act onrepparttar 146283 “no.” Please remember that all of us are “grabbed” by something and find it difficult to let go. Infidelity when connected to sexual addiction and its many forms, however, becomes a powerful focal point.

How to know if infidelity is attached to sexual addiction:

1. Sex takes on an inflated role or value. Sex, sexual conquest, sexual release becomes a powerful force. Acting onrepparttar 146284 sexual impulse is a frequent activity. Thinking about sex likewise consumes an inordinate amount of time. Multiple ways of acting out sexually (porn, strip clubs, multiple sex partners, etc.) are common.

2. This activity is bound by fear. The person lives with fear:repparttar 146285 fear of getting caught,repparttar 146286 fear of consequences,repparttar 146287 fear of “being found out,”repparttar 146288 fear of being abnormal,repparttar 146289 fear of being punished, andrepparttar 146290 fear of losing family, spouse, job and respect.

3. A promise/failure cycle ebbs and flows withrepparttar 146291 inability to say no. After an “acting out” episoderepparttar 146292 person usually experiences guilt/fear and promises to self or others, “I won’t do it again.” This will last...untilrepparttar 146293 “urge” is acted upon again. The spouse may be aware or unaware (but sense that something is not “right”) ofrepparttar 146294 “roller coaster” and succession of broken promises.

Adultery as Sexual Addiction: Should You Stay Married?

Written by Dr. Robert Huizenga, The Infidelity Coach

I outline 7 kinds of affairs in my E-book, "Break Free Fromrepparttar Affair." One affair, "I Can't Say NO!" is characterized by addictive tendencies. Infidelity (as well as pornography, strip clubs, online chatting, compulsive masturbation, etc.) may be a part ofrepparttar 146280 sexual addiction.

Oftenrepparttar 146281 spouse or partner of a sexually addicted person intuitively knows ofrepparttar 146282 addiction andrepparttar 146283 struggle his/her partner has withrepparttar 146284 behavior.

The partner often "feels for" his/her partner and is in a great quandary about staying inrepparttar 146285 marriage or leavingrepparttar 146286 marriage.

If you are a person facing this dilemma or know of someone who is, here are some pointed questions to help move more quickly throughrepparttar 146287 decision making process:

1. Do you really want to saverepparttar 146288 marriage or are you just plain worn out? Does it seem that it would be much easier to just put up and toleraterepparttar 146289 crazy kind of behavior you bump into with him? Are you emotionally fried and think of confronting him with your feelings and thoughts of endingrepparttar 146290 marriage as jumping into more emotional turmoil?

2. Do you really want to saverepparttar 146291 marriage or do you think you should hang in there for religious, moral or other “should” reasons? Most spouses who partner with those who can’t say no are very conscientious people. Is that you? Do you want to dorepparttar 146292 right thing? Are you willing to continue feelingrepparttar 146293 humiliation and facingrepparttar 146294 dangers because you believe you should stay inrepparttar 146295 marriage? Do convictions rather than practical and personal concerns dictate your decisions?

3. Do you really want to saverepparttar 146296 marriage or do you believe you should stay to protectrepparttar 146297 children? Do you think you arerepparttar 146298 only spouse who can care forrepparttar 146299 children? (You may be.) Or maybe your spouse cares deeply forrepparttar 146300 children and is a good parent. (That may be also.) Do you think that endingrepparttar 146301 marriage would make life immeasurably worse for your children? Do you fear for their welfare if you confront his behavior?

4. Do you really want to saverepparttar 146302 marriage or do you see absolutely no way out and are resigned to this marriage? You may experience a powerful pervasive feeling of being stuck. You may believe that you have tried everything and that it is inrepparttar 146303 best interest of everyone to stay where you are. Couple your weariness with your sense of being stuck and you may tolerate a great deal of disappointment and pain forrepparttar 146304 sake ofrepparttar 146305 marriage.

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