We think we know ourselves better than anyone else because we spend 24/7 in our own skin.But many times, we say and do more damaging things to ourselves than we would ever consider inflicting on someone we detest. We believe that we know
"real" us and that deep down, that person isn't too great.
This certainly isn't logical and at some level, I know that I'm really a good person. I don't make a habit of hurting other people, and I want to make a positive impact on
world. So, why did I sometimes hear myself saying things like, "Why did you do that, you big dummy?" or "Get off your butt and do something, lazy"?
One day, out of
seeming blue,
answer hit me. I was so hard on myself because I didn't love myself enough. In other words, I had a "negative" balance in my personal "trust" account. I didn't trust myself enough to be
kind of person I desired to be plus, I was
only one making all
withdrawals from my account.
How do you make withdrawals from your personal trust account? You do it when someone says something hurtful that you know is untrue and you remain silent or worse, you agree with them. You do it when you start an exercise program and then don't go to
gym as you promised yourself or you stay in a job that you know rewards you much less than you're worth, or conflicts with your personal values.
So, if you're making all
withdrawals, who makes deposits into your trust account? That's your job, one that only you can do. Some examples include making and keeping social appointments with people that support you and matter to you, telling someone immediately after they've intentionally hurt you that you don't accept that, and meaning it,asking someone you admire to mentor you, then actually acting upon their advice.
I believe with all my heart that each of us is a fantastic human being. We've just got to get out of our own way. What we've done and experienced in
past is gone and, most importantly, it's not us. We are not what we do or what has been done to us. We are what you are, and that's more than enough.
Try to visualize your internal personal trust account. See a blank ledger page or an empty, clear glass piggy bank and imagine that you are starting with balance of zero, a totally clean slate.
Now, try to think of a couple of deposits you can make to your account today. It's OK to start small, such as making an appointment with yourself to take a 20-minute walk to enhance your physical health and clear your mind. Or, you could call an estranged family member or friend and just let that person know that you miss them. You don't necessarily have to apologize or reopen old wounds, just be
one to reach out. Even if they reject you, your courage to pick up
phone and risk that pain will increase your self-esteem enormously.