Empathy Starts at Home!

Written by Manya Arond-Thomas


"Create loving, accepting space around people and this will put irresistible pressure on them to grow to fill it" Mac Andrews

"If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never truly be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice inrepparttar way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking,repparttar 123400 whole world belongs to you." Lao Tzu

Inrepparttar 123401 last issue, I talked about empathy as a core emotional competence for building relationships, influencing people, and getting buy-in based onrepparttar 123402 ability to understandrepparttar 123403 thoughts, feelings, and motives of another.

However, why is it that empathy is now recognized to be so important for personal resilience and well-being? It's because our ability to be empathic with others starts with our ability to be empathic towards ourselves!

Like so many other abilities and qualities that we've been taught (or admonished!) to practice with others –- charity, kindness, paying attention to others' needs first (also known as not being selfish), acceptance –- our ability to genuinely embody and demonstrate empathy depends on whether we can have it for ourselves.

Another way to think about empathy is throughrepparttar 123404 lens of acceptance and non-judgment. Our ability to be empathic with another clearly reflects acceptance and lack of judgment about them. Yet if we don't accept certain aspects in ourselves, how can we truly be empathic with others when we witness those same qualities in them?

Genuine and complete self-acceptance is a challenge for many people. Lack of empathy can show up as being hard on oneself (generally or specifically), or it can be a blind spot that is outside our awareness.

C.G. Jung named those aspects of ourselves that we disown asrepparttar 123405 "shadow self." Thus, while we may not recognize ourselves as having certain "undesirable" traits, those are oftenrepparttar 123406 very things we non-empathically judge and reject in others.

Where do people commonly lack empathy towards themselves? There seem to be certain key areas, that when challenged by someone else or triggered by some action we ourselves have taken, provoke self-judgment:

- Things that challenge our competence (mistakes, areas where we don't feel competent that become apparent in day-to-day life such as conflict management, money, power and authority, emotional self-management, to name but a few) - Values -– both those to which we subscribe and those which we reject - Feelings that are uncomfortable or intolerable for us - Characteristics we deem as undesirable

'Tis The Season

Written by Dr. Susan Rempel


‘Tisrepparttar Season to be Jolly?

By Dr. Susan Rempel

I was listening to one of my favorite radio talk programs today. The topic ofrepparttar 123399 hour was “do you feel burdened by Christmas?” Much to my amazementrepparttar 123400 host, andrepparttar 123401 majority of his guests, spentrepparttar 123402 better part of an hour whining and moaning aboutrepparttar 123403 burdensome nature ofrepparttar 123404 holiday season. “I hate being with my relatives.” “Why do I have to spend all this money on presents for people I don’t like?” “There’s too much pressure!” “The traffic inrepparttar 123405 stores is ridiculous.” It went on and on and on! It’s a well known fact that people tend to be more depressed duringrepparttar 123406 holiday season. It can be distressing if you live far away from your family. Some people actually become depressed because ofrepparttar 123407 decrease in their exposure to sunlight duringrepparttar 123408 winter months. However, what I heard today was different. People were just whining! They sounded like young children who were being forced to do their chores. Then, it hit me. Those people were suffering from PHLOP! What is PHLOP (pronounced “flop”)? Pre-Holiday Lack of Planning! It is my own term for describing what causes successful people turn into grinches duringrepparttar 123409 holiday season. Anyone who suffers from PHLOP will experience a range of symptoms that include: anxiety, sleeplessness, irritability, overeating (particularly of chocolate), anger, and irrationality. All of these symptoms cause them to miss out onrepparttar 123410 true joy that should be experienced duringrepparttar 123411 holiday season. People who suffer from PHLOP get their first dose of anxiety when they begin to considerrepparttar 123412 enormous list of things to do between Thanksgiving andrepparttar 123413 end ofrepparttar 123414 year. There are cards to be sent, gifts to be bought and wrapped, parties to be planned, activities to be enjoyed, and thank you notes to be written. It’s enough to give a person indigestion! Then, add all ofrepparttar 123415 subtasks (e.g., everything that is involved in planning a party) torepparttar 123416 list. By then, that person has a major case of indigestion andrepparttar 123417 beginning symptoms of a migraine. Of course,repparttar 123418 only reason thatrepparttar 123419 person experiences anxiety is because he or she is not organized. Do you suffer from PHLOP? It’s not too late to change things – even for this holiday season! Considerrepparttar 123420 consequences of not planning out how you will get everything done before January 31. Your tasks will get done atrepparttar 123421 last minute. They will not be done well. Worst of all, you may not finish them at all! Let’s face it, there is nothing worse than looking at a stack of holidays cards that were signed, sealed, and addressed, but just didn’t make it torepparttar 123422 post office. If you would like some help organizing your holiday schedule for this and future Christmas seasons, you should get a copy UnCommon Courtesy & Coaching’s PHLOP busting holiday organizer by visiting our Christmas Corner at: http://www.uncommoncourtesy.com/holidayplanner.htm . Let me also take a moment to suggest some things that will help you to enjoy this holiday season. First, consider making some of your gifts. People generally think about making gifts only when they are very young, super organized, or short on cash. You need not begin crocheting purses for your friends in August in order to make presents. Think about baking a few batches of bar cookies and then dividing them up onto colorful Christmas plates. Wrap them in cellophane and tie them with colorful ribbon. It’s easy, cheap, and all your friends will love it. After all, have you ever had anyone tell you that they did not like a plate full of cookies? How about buying a number of inexpensive items and putting them in a basket. The presentation will impressrepparttar 123423 heck out ofrepparttar 123424 recipient. Whatever you decide to make, constructingrepparttar 123425 gift yourself will make it more meaningful to both you andrepparttar 123426 person who receives it.

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