Emotional Expression: An EQ Competency

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach

Expressing emotions accurately is an EQ competency. Experiencing them and expressing them when appropriate is a matter of mental and physical health. In fact there’s a phrase in psychology called “acting out,” which means if you don’t say it, you’re going to do it. You’ll act it out.

Are you acting out your emotions and sabotaging yourself instead of experiencing and dealing with them appropriately in a mindful way?

I have a friend who calls this, “acting inrepparttar grip of a strange compulsion.” Well, we needn’t be so dramatic about it, but did you ever find yourself acting strangely, knowing it’s not like you even as you’re doing it? Usually you’re doing something that doesn’t help your own cause, that you wouldn’t ordinarily do, and that you “know better than to do.” You surprise even yourself!

An example of this would be forgetting to pick up your wife’s laundry. Ordinarily you’re an organized and efficient person and this is part of your weekly routine. It’s not like you to forget to do it. Often if you think back, it can be traced to an emotion you didn’t acknowledge, express, or deal with appropriately. For instance you may have had a fight with your wife and failed to resolve it. The resentment lingers and if you aren’t mindful, you’ll forget to pick up her laundry as a way of getting back at her and expressing your anger.

Another example would be being criticized unfairly by your boss, failing to deal with your anger about it, and then failing to get a report in on time. Suddenly you can’t findrepparttar 126169 energy to dorepparttar 126170 work. The creativity to dorepparttar 126171 research leaves you, your fingers just won’t writerepparttar 126172 report, and every little thing distracts you fromrepparttar 126173 task. Failing to getrepparttar 126174 report in on time sabotages you, which adds insult to injury. It’srepparttar 126175 kind of thing you might do when you aren’t mindful.

In each caserepparttar 126176 healthy way of handlingrepparttar 126177 emotions is different, but they must be dealt with or else they will find their own way of being expressed.

In intimate relationships, you’ll find you might as well go ahead and say it, because not saying it will damagerepparttar 126178 relationship more. Resentment will build up, old wounds will fester, and soon you will have made a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s much easier to deal with things right away, using your emotional intelligence – your communication and interpersonal skills.

The Most Eloquent Speech I Ever Heard

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Personal and Professional Development Coach

“This is Our Finest Hour?” “I Have a Dream?” No, nothing like that. This is a speech of 2 words I heardrepparttar other day.

I was in a hospital getting a chest x-ray, a prerequisite for surgery on my broken ankle. It’s been two weeks since it happened, two weeks full of pain, change, and coping. I’ve described how it happened, learned how to get aroundrepparttar 126168 house on crutches, visited doctors and labs, waited on x-rays, and asked neighbors to getrepparttar 126169 mail and groceries.

I’ve also been put throughrepparttar 126170 pre-op battery of tests – blood tests, EKGs, chest x-rays, and discussions with my doctor, who feltrepparttar 126171 best approach was surgery.

In my EQ Alive! program, which trains and certifies EQ coaches, I’ve participated inrepparttar 126172 weekly EQ Check In along withrepparttar 126173 students. We tell each other how we feel physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. We begin each teleclass that way, and listen closely torepparttar 126174 answers. EQ competencies include emotional expression, and also Integrated Self, being in touch with all aspects of yourself. Most of all it means not engaging inrepparttar 126175 meaningless, “How are you?” “Fine.”

In a shutdown and coping mode, I thought I was being realistic about how I was feeling. I said I was in pain. I said I was physically slow andrepparttar 126176 painkillers had dulled me mentally, and that spiritually things wererepparttar 126177 same as ever. What more was there to say? I never gave it a thought.

So there I was inrepparttar 126178 hospital. I’d been sent torepparttar 126179 wrong place and walked about ½ a mile onrepparttar 126180 crutches to find that out. I was accepted, however, thanks torepparttar 126181 work of a nurse named Lupe with very high EQ who just pushedrepparttar 126182 order on through. And then, mercifully finally in a wheelchair, I’d been wheeled torepparttar 126183 x-ray waiting area and left inrepparttar 126184 hall.

As I sat there, a woman on a stretcher was wheeled up. I could tell she was sick. Her hair hadn’t been washed in a while and she had a nose tube for oxygen, and a tube in her arm. Her color didn’t look good and she barely moved. She reminded me of my dadrepparttar 126185 last time I saw him inrepparttar 126186 hospital. She was accompanied by two women. The first one went over to sign papers, andrepparttar 126187 other one walked off downrepparttar 126188 hall.

A technologist walked out towardrepparttar 126189 woman onrepparttar 126190 stretcher when I heardrepparttar 126191 speech that touched me so. I think she thought he was coming to take her intorepparttar 126192 x-ray room.

“I’m afraid!” she cried out.

“God love her,” I thought. “So am I!”

I tried to get out of my chair and go to her, butrepparttar 126193 technologist beat me to her. Speaking to her in her native tongue, Spanish, he rushed to her side, took her hand and started soothing her. “Abuelita,” he called her, “little grandmother,” a term of endearment. A nurse brought out a screen to give her privacy and she quieted.

She quieted and I thought: Why is it so hard to get to “I’m afraid”?

Of course I’d been afraidrepparttar 126194 whole time, fromrepparttar 126195 moment I heardrepparttar 126196 bones turn in my ankle. I started repeating, “Please don’t let it be broken, please don’t let it be broken.” There was no way to tell, and I was left with pain and fear.

Was it broken? Is this because my bones are getting old and this is justrepparttar 126197 beginning? Will this mean arthritis pain forrepparttar 126198 rest of my life? Willrepparttar 126199 insurance cover it? What on earth is my deductible? How can I ever manage this at home alone? Will it need surgery? General anesthesia? Will I survive it? Will they have to rebreak it like one neighbor says, and put in 6 screws likerepparttar 126200 other one says? What will happen?

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