Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 126138 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

Title: Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 794 Category: Emotional Healing, Personal Growth

Emotional Dependency or Emotional Responsibility By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Emotional dependency means getting one’s good feelings from outside oneself. It means needing to get filled from outside rather than from within. Who or what do you believe is responsible for your emotional wellbeing?

There are numerous forms of emotional dependency:

* Dependence on substances, such as food, drugs, or alcohol, to fill emptiness and take away pain.

* Dependency on processes such as spending, gambling, or TV, also to fill emptiness and take away pain.

* Dependence on money to define one’s worth and adequacy.

* Dependence on getting someone’s love, approval, or attention to feel worthy, adequate, lovable, and safe.

* Dependence on sex to fill emptiness and feel adequate.

When you do not take responsibility for defining your own adequacy and worth or for creating your own inner sense of safety, you will seek to feel adequate, worthy and safe externally. Whatever you do not give to yourself, you may seek from others or from substances or processes. Emotional dependency isrepparttar 126139 opposite of taking personal responsibility for one’s emotional wellbeing. Yet many people have no idea that this is their responsibility, nor do they have any idea how to take this responsibility.

What does it mean to take emotional responsibility rather than be emotionally dependent?

Primarily, it means recognizing that our feelings come from our own thoughts, beliefs and behavior, rather than from others or from circumstances. Once you understand and accept that you create your own feelings, rather than your feelings coming from outside yourself, then you can begin to take emotional responsibility.

For example, let’s say someone you care about gets angry at you.

If you are emotionally dependent, you may feel rejected and believe that your feelings of rejection are coming fromrepparttar 126140 other’s anger. You might also feel hurt, scared, anxious, inadequate, shamed, angry, blaming, or many other difficult feeling in response torepparttar 126141 other’s anger. You might try many ways of gettingrepparttar 126142 other person to not be angry in an effort to feel better.

New Toys + New Playmates = Better Brain

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach

Some ofrepparttar stereotypes we have aboutrepparttar 126137 brain and aging are being dispelled by recent research. Here are some myths and new reality.

1. Myth: Once you're born, all you can look forward to is a long and steady loss of brain cells.

REALITY: “Stem” cells inrepparttar 126138 brain can create new neurons, and idle neurons will extend their branches to carry signals to and from other neurons indefinitely, underrepparttar 126139 right conditions.

2. MYTH: We can’t get smarter as we age.

REALITY: Mice in an enriched environment (new toys and playmates), increased 4000 new neurons inrepparttar 126140 hippocampus (crucial to memory and learning) compared to 2400 inrepparttar 126141 control group. Older mice’s brains also got bigger and better quickly! (Diamond and Rosenzweig, Elizabeth Gould, Princeton)

3. MYTH: Creativity diminishes with age.

REALITY: According to Ralph Warner, author of “Get a Life: You Don’t Need a Million to Retire Well,” “older artists often do well, commonly experiencing a sustained burst of exciting creativity after 65.”

4. MYTH: There isn’t much you can do to avoid Alzheimer’s.

REALITY: According to David Snowden, Ph.D., “Aging with Grace,” hardworking brains (the ones that keep learning new challenging things) do well because their stimulated cells branch frequently. This results in millions of new synapses sorepparttar 126142 brain actually becomes larger and a larger brain can cope better withrepparttar 126143 effects of brain diseases, like Alzheimer’s and strokes. Theoretically because it has more active tissue, and therefore a greater number of ways to work around diseased or damaged areas.

5. MYTH: What you’ve got, is all you’ll ever get.

REALITY: According to Paula Tallal, Rutgers neuroscientist, “You create your brain fromrepparttar 126144 input you get,” i.e., intellectual stimulation strengthensrepparttar 126145 brain because inrepparttar 126146 normal course of living, our brains constantly reorganize themselves, which is called neuroplasticity.” Neuroplasticity accelerates withrepparttar 126147 amount and complexity ofrepparttar 126148 new information our brains receive.

6. MYTH: As you age, it’s too hard to learn new things, so stick with what you already know.

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