What we can choose, though, is which kind of gladiator to be, victor or victim.

Being a victim in this social arena translates into having bad relationships.

Most people are victims - victims of their own perceptions.

That's because people don't develop and listen to their own unique, authentic self. Rather they allow their mental spectators - those little tyrants rattling around in their heads - to tell them second by second how to fight their battles, what they can and cannot do. These tyrants applaud and they hiss, they encourage and they discourage.

These mental spectators are memories of judgments of real-life people. For example, it's memory of your aunt saying, "I hope you marry someone rich, because you're not going far on brains." It's echo of your father growling, "You've got a back problem - no spine."

And their influence over your relationships can't be overestimated.

Millions of people accept judgments of their mental spectators as truth and, therefore, mediocre results that come from believing those judgments.

With so many people living this way, question becomes, is this way I have to live? Fortunately, answer is not unless you want to.

Once you identify your mental spectators - and your interactions with them - you can move beyond victim and assume role of victor.

What it takes are eight steps for getting command, eight steps you can apply to most any situation you want altered. You can positively influence your relationships, your employment options, any aspect of your life.

Let's look at steps.

1. Define What Ails You. Ask, what's my problem? Am I a jealous weasel, troubled that others have what I want? Am I ticked off most of time? Am I sad and whiney? Anxiety ridden? Moody? All of above? Without this step, you're doomed. It will take personal courage, but you won't get results without identifying what ails you.

2. Discover Effects. Ask, how are my problems affecting my life? Am I a lousy parent, a friendless dork, a backstabber, a slut, a drunk, a junkie? Am I none of above, but someone who is less than I could be? This step requires absolute self-honesty, but truth will help set you free.

There’s a story going around Chicago area about a student at U. of Chicago last year. At that venerable high-IQ institution, it’s still a graduation requirement that each student pass a swimming test. A student showed up to take test and, 3 hours later, after they’d dragged him out of Lake Michigan and EMS had left, they asked him why he’d shown up to take test when he didn’t know how to swim.

”I read about it,” he said.

2.High IQ, Low EQ: Frank.

Ph.D. in Engineering, designs military defense systems for government, has a net worth in millions, and top security clearance, and is on his 5th wife.

3.Average IQ, High EQ: Dr. Bob

Bob has an IQ of 125, low for a physician. He was told repeatedly he wasn’t med-school material, but his social skills, focus, and determination made his becoming a doctor a reality. And what a gift to profession! He has a marvelous “bedside manner.” He’s grateful he can practice medicine – when was last time you encountered a physician with that attitude??

4.High IQ, High EQ: William Pickering, Rocket Man.

Ph.D., Physics, CalTech. In 1957, when Russia launched Sputnik, Pickering was working for Jet Propulsion Lab. In 2 months, Naval Research Laboratory launched Vanguard, which under glare of international media, blew up on launch pad.

Fortunately, Pickering had been working since Sputnik on their own satellite. ExplorerI was launched less than 4 months after Sputnik.

To bring this off, Pickering worked James van Allen, and Wernher von Braun.

(What's that sound I hear? Egos colliding???)

Imagine pressure and EQ it took to pull this off with government, military and American public breathing down their necks.

Which of these towering, credentialed geniuses got leadership job? (And correct me if I’m wrong, but Einstein was also alive at time.) The one with EQ!

5.High IQ, Low EQ: John, a lawyer.

His girl friend, my client, became increasingly displeased with his “cluelessness” and lack of demonstrative affection. Finally she lost her temper and yelled, “Can’t you just send me some flowers?”

”You don’t understand,” he replied. “I don’t know how to.”

6.Low IQ, Low EQ: Mike Tyson.

7.High IQ, Low EQ: Harry, a lawyer.

A lawyer I worked with. Told his secretary, a single parent with 4 children under age of 6 and no child support, who earned $28,000 a year, when her second-hand car broke down, “Well, if you’d just buy a new Lexus like I have …”

Were his office projects sabotaged? What do you think?

8.High IQ, High EQ: Ray Garrett, Jr., former chairman of SEC.

The man under whom it all shook down after Watergate in 70s. The stock market was at its all-time low.