This article is about another way of looking at things I hope will be helpful. “Dysfunction” refers to something that doesn’t function way it should; something that doesn’t do what it’s supposed to. “Dys” means “bad” or “difficult.”

Now, unless you’re a flaming extravert with a staff of 10 to help you, it may well be “difficult.” Whether it will be “bad” is another matter.

Thank heavens for Positive Psychology! Barring extremes, why not assume your holiday is functioning normally, that is, like everyone else’s – it isn’t perfect, but it’s functioning just fine.

How so? The reason we talk about “peace on earth, goodwill to men” at Christmas is because it’s an ideal. We pray for it because it exists so rarely, in brief moments only, or maybe a state of heart. It’s song angels sing.

Let’s put a new spin on this by looking at function of a family. The function of a family is to nurture, but it’s also about learning to relate and deal with emotions. It’s about imperfect you learning how to co-exist with imperfect others in an imperfect world, and it’s proving ground for getting out into real world. It’s where we learn many life lessons.

Some of them are what to do when we don’t get what we want, how to fight and make up, how to share and how to get our share, how to comfort or soothe someone else or ourselves, what to do when other people are angry or when we are, and how to keep loving someone when we really don’t like what they’re doing. In other words how to deal with ins and outs of interpersonal relating with resilience.

And what better place to experience this than at family get-together? It will all be there. It always is.

The only totally calm, uneventful Christmas I participated in, where there were no tiffs and sputters and frustrations, everyone was numbed from a recent tragedy and simply going through motions. We could’ve been in bed asleep, except we were sitting up, walking around, and talking. No one had energy for either joy or anger. Perspective did not allow us to be upset that year that gravy was lumpy.

Emotions are energy. They’re part of life. The only thing worse than ones we don’t like, would be having none at all.

But even that was a functional celebration. Grief-stricken, we were together for support, and we were doing what we could about Christmas, which seemed an ugly charade, and some of them will. It worked. It won’t be featured on front cover of “Saturday Evening Post,” painted by Norman Rockwell, but it will remain painted in our hearts.

Positive psychology refuses to focus on what’s wrong; it looks at what’s right, strong, and going well. If your family is together and your sister and brother are fighting again, well didn’t they always? Isn’t that what siblings do? Surely they have sense to temper it a little in light of occasion, but if they don’t, ignore it, send them outside with dogs, use your sense of humor and EQ, and get on with your own celebration.