Dying: A Family Rite of PassageWritten by Maggie Vlazny, MSW
Dying: A Family Rite of Passage by Maggie Vlazny, MSW When my mother lost her father it was sad, but not unexpected. He was 80 years old, had had that lingering kind of cancer that old men often get, and there was plenty of time to prepare for his death. Not that any of us ever acknowledged his demise or named dread disease he lived with for so long. Until day he died he spoke of getting well, would not reveal his feelings or let us tell him ours, and we all aided and abetted his fantasy. He hid behind wall of an impossible dream because he needed to, but that wall troubled my mother long after he was gone. It's not just that I miss him, she would say. It's not that I haven't accepted his death. But it feels like there was unfinished business. Something left undone. How well I remember false gaiety of those last visits with him, strain of false smiles and tears held in check. It seemed so unnatural not to acknowledge obvious. The natural. But what else could we do? In a society in which every other bodily function is treated as a group rite of passage, from christening to wedding to baby showers and on again, last one of all is oddly ignored, considering its inevitability. We are taught to live well and love well, to birth well and parent well. No one teaches us to die well, or help another person to do it. When death finally comes we are poorly prepared. Two years after my grandfather died, my own father was struck with a lethal, untreatable form of cancer. The doctors could offer us no type of therapy, no extra time, no hope at all. Here was inevitable. Here was shock. But here also was tragedy. My father was only 53 years old. At first I wished it could be any other way. Why not a heart attack, an accident, something sudden? What could be worse than horror of having to just sit there and watch him die? We had so many questions. Should we tell him, and if so, when? Might it not be kinder to protect him until last possible moment from anguish we already suffered? And how would we handle him? We worried less over his imminent death than over helplessness which must precede it. How would such a bull of a man, who hated hospitals and even aspirin all his life, handle such an indignity? He was not kind of person who would allow you to feel sorry for him. He was a giver all his life who didn't know how to take. Gifts embarrassed him and so did thank you's. What would become of our family without our hub, our rock, our peacemaker who held us all together? It was he we turned to with all our problems.
| | Prom Season is Just Around the Corner, Do You have Your Prom Dress? Written by David Kunstek
Prom Season is Just Around Corner, Do You have Your Prom Dress? Prom season is always highlight of most senior years. In fact, it's beyond that point and is a focus to many at junior level as well. Choosing right prom dress is probably biggest choice a girl needs to make. It's not always easy, though, especially when you have to keep it within a budget or within your parent's approval. Prom dresses, as you know, come in just about every shape and color. They can be long and flowing. They can be short and revealing. Do you have a certain prom dress in mind that you want to purchase? Many girls have an image in their mind of right dress but just haven't found it. Or, perhaps you don't have a clue where to begin. The first step is to take a look at your budget. Yes, you have to find out from mom and dad just how much they will fork over for best prom dress for you. Maybe they have already told you that you will have to work to pay for it? Regardless, you have to know how much you are working with. No sense in getting your hopes up over a dress that is unreachable. Have you gone looking at prom dresses yet? Have you checked out sales at mall and cool boutiques around town? Still haven't found right prom dress? A great place to find fabulous prom dresses is at bridal boutiques. No, you're not getting big white dress, but they normally carry a huge line of prom dresses as well. Can't afford something outrageously priced? Go for no name, no brand dresses. These are often available at bridal outlet stores as well as higher end department stores.
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