Dumb Criminal Reports

Written by Frank S Garcia

Pizza, French Fries, Beer and Other Diet Foods...

Written by Nick Nilsson

Now this isrepparttar real American Dream! Iím here to let you know that it is totally possible to lose allrepparttar 118288 fat you want while eating nothing but junk food. The only hitch is that allrepparttar 118289 fat you want to lose is going to have to be zero!

Here are some tongue-in-cheek (or burger-in-belly) suggestions for how you can turn evenrepparttar 118290 greasiest, sugariest, most overprocessed calorie bomb into lean, mean diet food.

How is this done? Hereís a hint: itís all in how you choose to look atrepparttar 118291 food...

1. Eat donuts instead of solid pastries. You will be saving a tremendous number of calories by eating something with a hole inrepparttar 118292 middle. You can save upwards of 3 to 5 calories per pastry by doing this. That means if you eat 10 donuts, youíve saved yourself almost 50 calories! Besides, everyone knows nuts are good for you...

2. French fries can help prevent heart attacks. It is a fact that French people suffer fewer heart attacks and have lower rates of heart disease. French fries are obviously from France, therefore it naturally follows that French fries can prevent heart disease.

3. Pizza is one ofrepparttar 118293 healthiest foods onrepparttar 118294 planet. There are many reasons for this:

-The bleached flour inrepparttar 118295 crust sucks up allrepparttar 118296 grease that drips down fromrepparttar 118297 toppings, trapping it so you donít see it while youíre eating. If you donít see it when you eat it, it has no calories.

-Itís round (stay with me here). Because square-shaped foods have corners, they contain a lot more calories than round foods. To save even more calories, cut a hole inrepparttar 118298 center ofrepparttar 118299 pizza (refer back to #1 for full details).

-The cheese onrepparttar 118300 pizza is loaded with calcium - even more thanrepparttar 118301 Tums youíre going to need after eatingrepparttar 118302 whole thing.

-You can easily reduce your servings without sacrificing enjoyment. Instead of cuttingrepparttar 118303 pizza into 8 slices, try cutting it into only 4. Youíve just eaten HALFrepparttar 118304 number of slices you ate before! Imagine how many calories youíll save by doing that!

-Vegetables covered in grease are still vegetables. Never mind that allrepparttar 118305 nutrition has been baked out of them, youíre still getting youíre recommended daily servings of veggies.

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