There are many barriers to living our lives way that we would really like. Child abuse, alcoholism, grief, poverty, and like all take their toll. Yet, from deep within us we hear a cry - a cry for more; for something inspiring.

Living an inspiring life is not just for some people. It's for all of us. We can all live our lives more fully and do more of what we want. You might think that you're too busy, don't have enough money, or don't know what you want, and while that's all understandable it need not get in your way.

We need to begin by listening to our internal cry. What is it telling us? What do we need? What is missing in our lives. And, once we know that, we need to find ways to live our dreams.

James Hillman, in his book The Soul's Code (Random House, NY, 1996), says that answers to who we are and what we want can be found in our childhood musings. He says,

"Sooner or later something seems to call us into a particular path. You may remember this "something" as a signal moment in childhood when an urge out of nowhere, a fascination, a peculiar turn of events struck like an annunciation: This is what I must do, this is what I've got to have. This is who I am...If not this vivid or sure, call may have been more like gentle pushings in stream in which you drifted unknowingly to a particular spot on bank."

Hillman believes that in order to uncover what gives us meaning or pleasure (what he calls our calling) we need to remember what fascinated us, grabbed our attention, or spoke to us as children. He believes those memories even if they are only tiny glimmers or flashes of our desires hide our deeper longings to be or to do something.

To use this method, you might want to think about yourself as a child. What did you dream about? What did you like to play? What were your fantasies and dreams?

While it may not be clear to you what any of it means. Those memories or dreams may hold something you need to know about yourself. You might want to spend some time writing about it.

Dr. John Suler, who teaches at Ryder University, designed an exercise for his students called The Therapeutic Ingredients of Vision Quest that can help with this. A full description of this exercise can be found here http://www.rider.edu/users/suler/vquest.html

I found Vision Quest to be very helpful in awakening my deeper wisdom and awareness of synchronicity.

Suler's steps for Vision Quest are as follows:

1. For a period of at least 4 hours, leave your room or home and go out somewhere, anywhere. Don't plan ahead as to where you will go or what you will do. Don't do anything in particular (e.g., don't go bowling, to movies, to visit friends, etc.) Just go where your instincts tell you to go. Let your "intuition" carry you. Just wander (of course, don't do anything dangerous).

Do this alone. This is very important! If you meet people you know, you may talk to them for a few minutes, but no longer than that. Continue on your way.

As women and survivors, we've been trained to deny our own feelings and needs, and to take care of others. And we're also frequently given messages that tell us not to accept or love ourselves. This is especially true for survivors; it's so easy for us to take in hating messages our abusers gave us, and to turn that inwards on ourselves.

But it is possible to love ourselves -- or at least to increase our self-love in increments, until we can know, deep to our cores, that we love ourselves, and that we're beautiful. Here are some of things that have worked for me. I hope you'll find they work for you, too.

* Ask for a list of things people like about you.

Sometimes it can be hard to find things we like or love about ourselves. So -- ask other people to tell you all things they like about you. Ask a friend, a lover, a therapist. This isn't a replacement for your own love; it's a first step in learning to love yourself. You may need to hear things other people like about you before you can value them in yourself.

If hearing what people like about you is hard, ask your friends to write it down for you, or leave it on your voice mail, so you can read/listen to it over and over. Go back to it as many times as you can. Even if you don't believe that someone can like a particular thing about you, or you don't believe it exists, trust that your friend does see it and value it.

When you start to hear critical voices inside your head, go back to those things your friend said/wrote about you, and remember that you are loved.

* Make a list of things you like about yourself.

Make a list of all things you like about yourself. Be as honest as you can. Modesty doesn't help you here; neither do old critical messages. If you're having trouble finding things you value about yourself, think about things you value and love in your friends, then see if those things exist inside you, too. Most often, they do.

Fill a special notebook with your list, or create a set of cards. Make notebook as beautiful as you can -- make it something that makes you feel good when you look at it. Then open it up and look at it any time you're feeling down or critical about yourself, or any time anyone says anything that triggers your criticalness of yourself.

Look at this good-things-about-yourself book as frequently as you can. It may seem silly, but repetition really does make a difference. (Just think of impact one critical phrase said by a parent over and over to a child can have. It really does have an effect! Now try to give that child inside you at least one truly loving phrase about yourself that s/he can hold on to.)

* Make it part of your daily routine to praise something in yourself or think about something you like about yourself.

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. But praising ourselves for things that are good about ourselves only helps us. It is a healing thing to do, something that nourishes our self-worth. When we love ourselves, we're happier and more true to our own selves...and that happiness and ability to be free spreads to others.

So...try to think of something that you like about yourself, or something that you did today that made you or someone else feel good -- no matter how small it may seem. Give yourself kind of warm praise that you would a friend.

* Love yourself like a friend

Close your eyes and think of a person you deeply love and trust, and who you know loves you-- a friend, a lover. Think about all things you love and appreciate about them. Notice how that love feels inside you, how it makes you feel good.

Now turn it around other way -- be your friend, feeling that same deep love for you. Trust in their love for you, and just feel it. Let yourself see your self through gentle eyes, with compassion and love way your friend does, even if you can only do it for a moment. Now let yourself receive that love, love you have as a friend to yourself. Feel warmth move through you. Remember how it feels, and come back to that love another time.

* Make a note every time someone says something nice about you.

Every time someone tells you something about yourself that makes you feel good, write it down or make a mental note and jot it down later. When you get home, put that note in a container of "good things about me." Decorate container however you like. Keep on adding notes, and read them over every time you need a little boost -- and even when you don't feel like you do.

* Have compassion for yourself.