Don't Compare Partners

Written by Rinatta Paries

Have you ever found yourself comparing your current partner to someone from your past, and finding your current partner lacking? Worse yet, have you found yourself telling your current partner he or she is being compared to someone in your past and falls short?

What is it we are really after when comparing current and former partners? Do we want our current partners to be just like our exes? Probably not, or we would still be in those relationships. I think when we are making a comparison, we are really after something else. My hunch is what most of us really want is to have our current partners meet some specific needs and desires inrepparttar same, natural way as our past partners did.

Unfortunately, when we make this comparison between partners and then tell our partner about it, he or she will probably not takerepparttar 101872 feedback well. In fact, your partner will be very likely to feel angry, resentful, and to make sure not to do what you want.

How can you, then, get what you want in a more effective way than causing resentment and anger in your partner? How can you have your needs and desires satisfied? It's simple, really. Just ask. But be sure to ask without making your partner wrong for not already having met your needs.

Let's look at an example. Let's say you are not getting enough romance in your current relationship, but had gotten plenty of it in your past relationship, and liked it that way.

If you were comparing your current partner to your ex, you might say things like, "Why aren't you more like X? He (or she) was so romantic. I would get flowers and cards from him all ofrepparttar 101873 time." Or, you might say, "She was much more interested in romance and intimacy than you are." Then you might finish with, "You are just not like him (or her)," with a negative connotation in your voice.

Are Headhunters calling you...or ignoring you?

Written by Deborah Walker

In my former life as a recruiter (also affectionately referred to as “headhunter”) I received hundreds of resumes a week from all parts ofrepparttar country. The statement that a person’s resume gets a 15 second read is not far fromrepparttar 101871 truth. In fact, 15 seconds is a generous assumption. In reality, a resume must capturerepparttar 101872 recruiter’s attention inrepparttar 101873 first five seconds to avoidrepparttar 101874 round file. Candidates can greatly improve their chance of catchingrepparttar 101875 recruiter’s attention by following three simple rules: userepparttar 101876 correct format, include plenty of quantifiable accomplishments and sprinkle liberally with appropriate keywords.

The first rule, use of correct format, is crucial. There is one, and only one, proper resume format for recruiters--chronological. Recruiters’ do not have time or patience to figure outrepparttar 101877 complexities of a functional resume. To recruiters, time is money. A second danger of using a functional resume is that recruiters automatically assumerepparttar 101878 candidate is attempting to hide something. This is a universal assumption. No job seeker on earth is able to hide unpleasant facts within a functional resume. Recruiters are trained fromrepparttar 101879 start to pick up on any possible “red flags” that identifyrepparttar 101880 job seeker as an undesirable candidate.

The second rule, use of quantifiable accomplishments, is essential in helpingrepparttar 101881 recruiter see you as money in his pocket. Remember this point--you will only capture a headhunter’s attention when he sees you in terms of commission potential. Since recruiters earn their fee by providing better candidates than their competition, your resume should shout “ACCOMPLISHMENTS.” Quantifiable accomplishments are most convincing when connected to bottom-line results: revenue earned, money saved, market share increased, costs cut or time saved. This type of information givesrepparttar 101882 recruiter selling points to market you to their clients and put you in front of employers quicker.

The third rule, liberal use of keywords, is important not only inrepparttar 101883 short term, but also leads to future opportunity. At any given time a recruiter may have 10 to 100 specific positions to fill. Recruiters categorize their positions by qualifications identified by keywords. When reading resumesrepparttar 101884 recruiter scans for those keywords. The recruiter may be so tuned into finding specific words that he is oblivious to anything else inrepparttar 101885 resume except keywords.

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
Terms of Use