Don't Compare PartnersWritten by Rinatta Paries
Have you ever found yourself comparing your current partner to someone from your past, and finding your current partner lacking? Worse yet, have you found yourself telling your current partner he or she is being compared to someone in your past and falls short?
What is it we are really after when comparing current and former partners? Do we want our current partners to be just like our exes? Probably not, or we would still be in those relationships. I think when we are making a comparison, we are really after something else. My hunch is what most of us really want is to have our current partners meet some specific needs and desires in same, natural way as our past partners did.
Unfortunately, when we make this comparison between partners and then tell our partner about it, he or she will probably not take feedback well. In fact, your partner will be very likely to feel angry, resentful, and to make sure not to do what you want.
How can you, then, get what you want in a more effective way than causing resentment and anger in your partner? How can you have your needs and desires satisfied? It's simple, really. Just ask. But be sure to ask without making your partner wrong for not already having met your needs.
Let's look at an example. Let's say you are not getting enough romance in your current relationship, but had gotten plenty of it in your past relationship, and liked it that way.
If you were comparing your current partner to your ex, you might say things like, "Why aren't you more like X? He (or she) was so romantic. I would get flowers and cards from him all of time." Or, you might say, "She was much more interested in romance and intimacy than you are." Then you might finish with, "You are just not like him (or her)," with a negative connotation in your voice.
Are Headhunters calling you...or ignoring you?Written by Deborah Walker
In my former life as a recruiter (also affectionately referred to as “headhunter”) I received hundreds of resumes a week from all parts of country. The statement that a person’s resume gets a 15 second read is not far from truth. In fact, 15 seconds is a generous assumption. In reality, a resume must capture recruiter’s attention in first five seconds to avoid round file. Candidates can greatly improve their chance of catching recruiter’s attention by following three simple rules: use correct format, include plenty of quantifiable accomplishments and sprinkle liberally with appropriate keywords.
The first rule, use of correct format, is crucial. There is one, and only one, proper resume format for recruiters--chronological. Recruiters’ do not have time or patience to figure out complexities of a functional resume. To recruiters, time is money. A second danger of using a functional resume is that recruiters automatically assume candidate is attempting to hide something. This is a universal assumption. No job seeker on earth is able to hide unpleasant facts within a functional resume. Recruiters are trained from start to pick up on any possible “red flags” that identify job seeker as an undesirable candidate.
The second rule, use of quantifiable accomplishments, is essential in helping recruiter see you as money in his pocket. Remember this point--you will only capture a headhunter’s attention when he sees you in terms of commission potential. Since recruiters earn their fee by providing better candidates than their competition, your resume should shout “ACCOMPLISHMENTS.” Quantifiable accomplishments are most convincing when connected to bottom-line results: revenue earned, money saved, market share increased, costs cut or time saved. This type of information gives recruiter selling points to market you to their clients and put you in front of employers quicker.
The third rule, liberal use of keywords, is important not only in short term, but also leads to future opportunity. At any given time a recruiter may have 10 to 100 specific positions to fill. Recruiters categorize their positions by qualifications identified by keywords. When reading resumes recruiter scans for those keywords. The recruiter may be so tuned into finding specific words that he is oblivious to anything else in resume except keywords.