Dog Poo ( Turd Tales )

Written by Birmingham UK Com

And you thought we had problems?

In Southern Germany in a town byrepparttar name of Bayreuth,repparttar 118100 German police are in a quandary. The town’s dog poo is under attack. Park officials are desperate to resolve what could become an international incident. Unknown person or persons have been sticking little US flags into piles of doggie poo for over a year now.

Surprisinglyrepparttar 118101 dog poo brigade has managed to target between 2,000 to 3,000 abandoned piles of excrement in Bayreuth public parks. Quite who actually counted them all and provided these statistics is debatable butrepparttar 118102 source is rumoured as coming fromrepparttar 118103 Parks Administrator – Josef Oettl. And you wondered what your parkie did each day?

What was thought to have started as a protest againstrepparttar 118104 Iraqi war has continued throughrepparttar 118105 US election campaign and is still a regular occurrence today. Haverepparttar 118106 German’s not heard of poop a scoop? Surely all self respecting German citizens collect their doggie poo. Poop inrepparttar 118107 parks and pavements was surely just a British thing?


Written by B. Blitterlees & E. Craboon

Copyright "The Quipping Queen" 2005.

IT'S FUNKY FEBRUARY OF COURSE! (Calendar of Odd Events for - FEBRUARY 2005)

**Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl Craboon --

Why is everyone so happy?

Because it's festive, flirtatious and frolicking February of course -- ahem ...the shortest month ofrepparttar year. So find yourself some frisky fortune cookies and have fun!!

Merry-making males better beware, because who knows when all those feisty females will cash in their "frequent flubber" cards, (you know,repparttar 118099 ones with little red hearts all over them.) Byrepparttar 118100 way, toss those Twinkies all you Princes of Pucker Power!!!

Aquarians will need to put down their personal diaries for a moment and listen (which is a difficult task for warter-carriers like you). Say, aren't yourepparttar 118101 rainbow-inspired, paragliding, Uranus folk with weird friends who get a real kick out of telling others what needs to be done? Oh do stop gloating, it doesn't become you. And yes, we all know it’s now your turn to runrepparttar 118102 zodiac! (Thank God it's only for a month!)

Onrepparttar 118103 other hand, if you’re a ridiculous rooster or heartbroken hen-pecker with a touch of barnyard blues, you’re probably relieved to know that your twelve-year cycle inrepparttar 118104 Chinese astrological calendar has finally arrived. (Oh whoopee-ding for everyone else!)

And, if you were just waking up after a long winter nap likerepparttar 118105 groundhog, you’d just as soon hitrepparttar 118106 frigging snooze alarm button, and grab a bit more shut-eye before facing a wild bunch of cavorting Cupids on Valentine’s Day!

So, without further adieu…here’s what you can do to keep yourself tickled pink forrepparttar 118107 entire month of February:

February 1: INTERNATIONAL DAYDREAMING DAY (time to see who can gaze vacantly into spacerepparttar 118108 longest …while listening to a long-winded lecture or munching on molecules)

February 2: HUG A GROUNDHOG DAY (time to pressrepparttar 118109 flesh with grunt and groan types who seem to spend most of their time inrepparttar 118110 barnyard of life chasing their own shadows -- and check out what Wiaraton Willie has to say for himself)

February 3: AQUARIUS HERITAGE DAY (beware of water carrying geniuses eating unusual food and are a tad independent, mentally odd, tactless, or eccentric for their own good)

February 4: NATIONAL 'PASS THE BUCK' DAY (a wonderful way to honor those who are forever delegating dirty jobs to other poor souls lower downrepparttar 118111 food chain of life)

February 5: WHOOP-DE-D00 DAY (get ready to build sandcastles inrepparttar 118112 air, draw outsiderepparttar 118113 lines, and share your favorite wind-up toys with other grown-up kids at work)

February 6: DING DONG AWARENESS DAY (time to remember when you last invited a bible-thumper or political candidate into your home to discussrepparttar 118114 future of grommets)

February 7: ELEPHANT IN THE LIVING ROOM APPRECIATION DAY (in honor of all sorts of big bogies or couch critters we ignore, and we’d just as soon others did too please!)

February 8: GET THEE TO A MUMMERY DAY (time to dress up and pantomime or lip-sync your all-time favorite celebrity or perhaps a cartoon character if you’re really in a pinch)

February 9: COCK-0'-THE WALK DAY (your frisky fortune cookie says it's time to pay tribute to allrepparttar 118115 red roosters you know who are brave, motivated, proud, romantic, and a tad blunt ...if truth be told )

Cont'd on page 2 ==> © 2005
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