We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates? The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as we are dealing with human emotions and judgemental attitudes here as well.
Fortunately I think that most normal friends witnessing a couple of family splitting up can actually see both sides of
coin and actually do stay away from taking sides.
However, in
real world
divorcing couple will normally expect you to commit to one side or
other and this pattern often establishes itself way before
final separation or divorce. This is due to our blame culture where we often ignore our own responsibilities for
situation we find ourselves in - it’s always someone else’s fault - black & white, when actually there will be many shades of grey that overlap and it is often not until many years later and upon a lot of reflective thought that we suddenly realise that we were actually partly to blame for
failure of that relationship.
So, how do friends handle
initial expectation from one part of
divorcing couple to now ignore their former partner? It can be really tough for friends of separating partners - you know, who do you invite to
family party - him or her - can you invite both? - what will happen if they both meet at
daughters wedding? - god forbid but what will happen should each one bring a new partner? - The scenarios are endless.
Having experienced several friends now go through divorce and separation proceedings and each one has found its own set of issues, I can say that there is no set advice or guidance in
form of a one size fits all answer.
However, there are a few outline framework procedures that I would certainly adopt in order to ensure that your former couple remain friends long after
divorce or separation.