I imagine that there are somewhat similar statistics worldwide.

With these kinds of statistics, its easy to see how complex it can be when people think they want a divorce, they have difficulty identifying how a truly viable divorce reason might be defined. Wanting happiness through marriage and wrestling with what may seem an inevitable outcome (divorce), can be emotionally and mentally challenging.

After all, it is human nature to want to feel nurtured and secure, no matter where you live!

So, if you're thinking about getting a divorce, what are truly viable reasons for actually getting a divorce?

Each government has different laws defining difference between 'fault' and 'no-fault' divorce reasons that have enough merit that allow for divorce to be granted.

While it makes sense for you to keep this in mind when deciding whether or not to get a divorce because there may be financial considerations to think of, you should first focus on defining your own emotional or "personal" divorce reasons, regardless of what local governing body says.

If you ask 100 people how they define viable reasons for wanting a divorce, you'll most likely get 100 different answers because they'll answer you from their perspective, not yours.

Sure, there may be similarities to way you feel in some of those answers about 'real' divorce reasons, you may even agree with some. But, real answers to this question can only come from you. You have to figure out what reason or reasons would be viable in your mind in order to actually go through your decision about getting a divorce or staying married.

Title: Loving Your Spouse When Your Spouse is Not Loving You Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 791 Category: Relationships

LOVING YOUR SPOUSE WHEN YOUR SPOUSE IS NOT LOVING YOU Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Marlo and Jack have been married for twelve years and have two young children. Marlo and Jack each state that they love each other, yet Marlo does not feel loved by Jack, while Jack states that he is content with relationship.

In their relationship system, Marlo tends to be caretaker, while Jack is taker. Marlo often thinks about what would please Jack, while Jack rarely thinks about what Marlo wants or feels.

What should Marlo do? Should she leave Jack, even though she loves him? Should she continue to try to get him to care about her, which has never worked? These are questions Marlo had for me when she had a counseling session with me on phone.

Marlo was quite surprised when I told her that neither action was warranted at this time.

“Marlo,” I said to her, “there is a good possibility that way Jack treats you is a mirror of how you treat yourself. How often do you think about what you want or feel?”

“Not very often. I usually think more about Jack and my kids than I do about myself. I think it’s selfish to think about myself. I want to be loving, not selfish.”

Marlo was confused between selfishness and self-responsibility. Actually, in their relationship, Jack was selfish one in expecting Marlo to give herself up to take responsibility for his feelings and needs. By not caring about her own feelings and needs, Marlo was training her children to be selfish as well. They were already learning to blame her for their feelings and expect her to give herself up for them. As soon as Jack or children would get angry or withdraw, Marlo would feel guilty and responsible and give herself up to do what they wanted.