Divorce is a scary, lonely and misunderstood process for most people, particularly when there are children involved. The mutual friends enjoyed during marriage may not be of help because those individuals may not want to "pick a side." A divorce will introduce you to an entirely new balancing act.

The Effect on Productivity at Work

You must be conscious of how divorce process affects your ability to function on your job. There may be occasions when you will feel overwhelmed by a typical day's workload. On such occasions, you may wish to apportion work in terms of what you can handle.

You may at times find yourself uncharacteristically testy and acerbic to friends and colleagues, uncommunicative, depressed, and distracted. You should try to be alert to these personality and mood changes and work with a counselor to solve them. At times this may involve temporarily modifying project responsibilities or adjusting assignments until you achieve a level of equanimity. On still other days, you may not be able to cope with workplace or home environment at all, no matter how light workload. When this happens, it may be prudent to request a brief personal leave. If your behavior and interaction cannot be altered through temporary changes, you may need to seek professional counseling during this stressful period.

Keep in mind that while going through a divorce you will face numerous demands on your time: meetings with an attorney, accountant and counselor, possibly locating a new residence (and furnishing it) and establishing new lines of credit. Plan ahead where possible for these contingencies by asking your employer for projects that do not have a tight deadline. Flexible working arrangements, such as job-sharing, or opportunity to compensate for lost time by working in evening or on weekends, are other possibilities.

You should not let others treat you as an emotional cripple. You are probably already experiencing feelings of helplessness and an inability to control your life. By being overprotective and shielding you from daily realities of workplace or running interference with fellow employees or clients, employer may only exacerbate those feelings. Work may be only place you can achieve a sense of self-worth and personal strength during this difficult period.

The Process

Some people winding their way through divorce process may experience fatalistic or, conversely, unreasonably hopeful feelings, and may rely on divorce process myths that further complicate situation (for example, a belief that system is entirely gender biased). Unfortunately, legal process is not designed to address emotional issues for participants. Although there are milestones, such as filing initial documents, there are no true emotional releases. Even finalizing of a divorce is a bittersweet experience and is likely to feel like a letdown. No one truly wins in a divorce because estate is always divided and both individuals have fewer assets than prior to divorce. Unfortunately, legal process is often one of attrition. The time and expense of legal process often dictates results as one of parties can no longer afford resources or time to continue to dispute issues.