Distinction: Adjusting vs. Adapting

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach & Consultant


Adjusting - A few tweaks and you're on your way. Minor changes to accommodate to minor changes, while most of your life and circumstances remainrepparttar same.

Adapting - Something major has happened, and you won't be able to survive unless you make major changes within yourself, and across most areas of your life.


When your teenager goes off to college v. when your teenager dies

When your department changes v. when your company endures a hostile takeover

When your husband takes up fitness and moves a treadmill intorepparttar 126133 living room v. when your husband takes a mistress and moves her into your place atrepparttar 126134 lake


ADJUSTING: A chameleon adjusts. When it finds itself on a green leaf, it turns green. When it moves to a brown twig, it turns brown. It's a minor adjustment, changingrepparttar 126135 color of its skin.

ADAPTING: A tadpole adapts. In order to be able to live on dry land, it must lose its tail and gills, grow legs and start using lungs. It must learn to breathe air, not water.

ADJUSTING: Mary had an adjustment to make. She had moved across town. She had to learn a new route to work, meet some new neighbors, familiarize herself withrepparttar 126136 location of hospitals, grocery stores and gas stations, and get used to an electric stove instead of a gas stove.

ADAPTING: Letitia moved fromrepparttar 126137 US to Russia. She had to learn a new culture and a new language.

ADJUSTMENT REQUIRED: Ben got a divorce. Though he had not been dating her, he had fallen back in love with his high school sweetheart. When he divorced, he started dating his sweetheart, remained inrepparttar 126138 same home, had custody of his two children, keptrepparttar 126139 same job,repparttar 126140 place atrepparttar 126141 lake, and maintained his strong network of friendships.

The Legacy of Sexual Abuse

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asrepparttar author resource box atrepparttar 126132 end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com

Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 837 Category: Emotional Healing

The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Duringrepparttar 126133 many years I've been counseling people, Iíve worked with many people who were sexually abused as children. Some of them remember it all their lives, while others repressed it and remember it only as adults. In either case,repparttar 126134 resulting harm exists on many levels.


If a child was violently abused,repparttar 126135 physical pain may have been so intense as to causerepparttar 126136 person to not be able to function in a normal way sexually as an adult. The fear of penetration or of oral sex may causerepparttar 126137 person to avoid sex entirely, or to be too tense to actually enjoy sex.

However, even ifrepparttar 126138 abuse was not violent and physical harmful,repparttar 126139 physical harm can be deep. A childís body is not big enough to handlerepparttar 126140 intense feelings of sexual arousal. When a child is sexually activated at a young age,repparttar 126141 child may be so overwhelmed withrepparttar 126142 feelings that he or she ends up constantly masturbating to find some relief. Incessant masturbation is one ofrepparttar 126143 symptoms of sexual abuse. As an adult, this could translate into various forms sexual addiction.


The harm done onrepparttar 126144 emotional level is extensive. Sexual abuse is a deep form of violation, and invariably leads torepparttar 126145 child feeling objectified. The child comes to see herself or himself as an object to be used rather than as a person deserving of caring. This objectification ofrepparttar 126146 self can lead to promiscuity at a young age, or to other forms of being used and abused.

One ofrepparttar 126147 deepest levels of harm is thatrepparttar 126148 child tends to absorbrepparttar 126149 darkness ofrepparttar 126150 abuser. The child, not knowing that he or she is not causingrepparttar 126151 abuser to be abusive, takes onrepparttar 126152 shame ofrepparttar 126153 abuser. It is as ifrepparttar 126154 darkness ofrepparttar 126155 abuser goes right intorepparttar 126156 child. As a result,repparttar 126157 abused person grows up with a feeling of being a very bad person, with a huge ball of darkness within. Most survivors of childhood sexual abuse need to go through a process of realizing that this darkness does not belong to them and releasing it.

Children who have been sexually abused generally absorb many false beliefs about themselves that can plague them throughout their adult life - beliefs such as:

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