BONE IN THE NOSE

Matthew had it all. A degree from best college, phi beta kappa, a long record of highest academic achievement, startling good looks, and great social skills. "I could walk in there with a bone in my nose and they'd hire me," he told me.

"Not with that attitude," I replied.

"I know," he said. "I temper it."

And there's key with prima donna, or heir apparent. They have all things they advertise, and you can't remove it from their experience. They've got what it takes, and have had many experiences of being star. The thing is, did it "spoil" them?

Matthew talks loudly, but he knows how to behave in a real-life situation. That's one of things you want to look out for. Matthew's kind who said, "And I said." and then goes on saying what he "wishes" he could say, but he knows better than to have said. In other words, Matthew's an heir apparent with EQ, kind of exceptional performer you want to hire, IF you can manage him correctly and help him keep it on a leash.

If you're working or relating with one of these, understand that they're used to getting a lot of attention. They're used to being star. They expect waves to part when they enter room, and this isn't some fantasy they've made up. It's based on fact that it's happened in past, quite often from day they were born.

What you need to figure out is, DO THEY THINK THIS ENTITLES THEM TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T!

Prima donna originally referred to principal female singer of an opera company (in Italian it means "first woman"). It has come to mean "a temperamental person; a person who takes adulation and privileged treatment as a right and reacts with petulance to criticism or inconvenience."

Heir apparent, which I use for males, of course refers to first-born son who's going to inherit throne. If groomed well, he's taught character. When not, they are narcissistic, entitled, and above law. (The king and queen have a bit of a job to do - that's why Merlin was hired - and so will you, if king and queen failed at their task.)

"Inconvenience" to these folks can include:

. Doing what everyone else has to do

. What you might reasonably expect of anyone

. What job requires

. Making coffee

. Meeting deadlines

. Doing something they consider beneath them

. Or anything else - like I said, they're temperamental!

HOW TO DEAL WITH ONE?

1. FIGURE OUT HOW DEEP IT RUNS.

"Vicente's best man I've got," says Sean, a CEO, “but when he attends a meeting, it turns into a circus. Hands flying all over place, dramatic gestures, throwing papers around when he gets mad, storming out of room with a toss of that beautiful head. He knows he’s a show. It's hard for me to keep group focused. It’s disruptive.”

"All world's a stage" to Drama Queen (or King). They seem to experience life in technicolor, while others see it in black and white.

They demand attention, are comfortable with commotion, full or energy (mental, physical and emotional), and are often crisis-magnets. They can drain your energy.

It's hard to get them to focus. Following their train of thought or emotions is like following a bouncing ball. (Do you want to be in this position? No, you do not.) They perceive things to be very exciting and have trouble screening out “external stimuli.”

If you don’t position yourself correctly, you’ll just be one of many things they’re attempting to attend to. They are prone to exaggerate, and are especially difficult for left-brained people who think in a linear, analytic way.

Asking them to “calm down” rarely works, because to their mind, you should “rev up.” So here are some ways to avoid being just their audience (and worn out at same time).

1. USE LIGHT, MINIMAL EYE CONTACT.

In a one-to-one situation, avoid anything that puts you in place of being a perceive audience. Likewise, if you stare at display of tension-release (hands waving, knees bouncing, nail biting) you'll become affected. Eyes “focus” us and you want to direct focus. Look at some other part of their face (not into their eyes) or off to side. Better yet, have a written agenda and put it in front of you on desk and focus on that. Actually point at it with your finger. You want focus off YOU, or THEM, and onto SUBJECT and you do this by dealing with a concrete object that represents task, i.e., piece of paper.

2. USE NONVERBAL PACIFYING MEASURES.