Dealing with Difficult People: the Prima Donna (or Heir Apparent)

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach


The prima donna,repparttar heir apparent, akarepparttar 130007 "bone in my nose" type ... often star producers who are take a lot of time and energy out of your day.

BONE IN THE NOSE

Matthew had it all. A degree fromrepparttar 130008 best college, phi beta kappa, a long record ofrepparttar 130009 highest academic achievement, startling good looks, and great social skills. "I could walk in there with a bone in my nose and they'd hire me," he told me.

"Not with that attitude," I replied.

"I know," he said. "I temper it."

And there'srepparttar 130010 key withrepparttar 130011 prima donna, or heir apparent. They have allrepparttar 130012 things they advertise, and you can't remove it from their experience. They've got what it takes, and have had many experiences of beingrepparttar 130013 star. The thing is, did it "spoil" them?

Matthew talks loudly, but he knows how to behave in a real-life situation. That's one ofrepparttar 130014 things you want to look out for. Matthew'srepparttar 130015 kind who said, "And I said." and then goes on saying what he "wishes" he could say, but he knows better than to have said. In other words, Matthew's an heir apparent with EQ,repparttar 130016 kind of exceptional performer you want to hire, IF you can manage him correctly and help him keep it on a leash.

If you're working or relating with one of these, understand that they're used to getting a lot of attention. They're used to beingrepparttar 130017 star. They expect waves to part when they enterrepparttar 130018 room, and this isn't some fantasy they've made up. It's based onrepparttar 130019 fact that it's happened inrepparttar 130020 past, quite often fromrepparttar 130021 day they were born.

What you need to figure out is, DO THEY THINK THIS ENTITLES THEM TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T!

Prima donna originally referred torepparttar 130022 principal female singer of an opera company (in Italian it means "first woman"). It has come to mean "a temperamental person; a person who takes adulation and privileged treatment as a right and reacts with petulance to criticism or inconvenience."

Heir apparent, which I use for males, of course refers torepparttar 130023 first-born son who's going to inheritrepparttar 130024 throne. If groomed well, he's taught character. When not, they are narcissistic, entitled, and aboverepparttar 130025 law. (The king and queen have a bit of a job to do - that's why Merlin was hired - and so will you, ifrepparttar 130026 king and queen failed at their task.)

"Inconvenience" to these folks can include:

. Doing what everyone else has to do

. What you might reasonably expect of anyone

. Whatrepparttar 130027 job requires

. Making coffee

. Meeting deadlines

. Doing something they consider beneath them

. Or anything else - like I said, they're temperamental!

HOW TO DEAL WITH ONE?

1. FIGURE OUT HOW DEEP IT RUNS.

If it's more or less confined to their work-role, it's more manageable. There's a difference between "I'm a damn good technician," and "I'm better than everyone else on earth simply by dint of being." If they think their needs are legitimate and endless, and should be met atrepparttar 130028 expense of everyone else's, they're not worth keeping around.

Dealing with Difficult People: the Hyper Person

Written by Susan Dunn, MA, Emotional Intelligence Coach


"When I'm talking to Amanda," says her supervisor, Kathleen, "she's jumping all overrepparttar place. She’s hyper, bouncing up and down, talking a mile a minute. I have to turn into a kind of human pacifier to get her to settle down enough to get some work done. It’s exhausting.”

"Vicente'srepparttar 130005 best man I've got," says Sean, a CEO, “but when he attends a meeting, it turns into a circus. Hands flying all overrepparttar 130006 place, dramatic gestures, throwing papers around when he gets mad, storming out ofrepparttar 130007 room with a toss of that beautiful head. He knows he’s a show. It's hard for me to keeprepparttar 130008 group focused. It’s disruptive.”

"Allrepparttar 130009 world's a stage" torepparttar 130010 Drama Queen (or King). They seem to experience life in technicolor, while others see it in black and white.

They demand attention, are comfortable with commotion, full or energy (mental, physical and emotional), and are often crisis-magnets. They can drain your energy.

It's hard to get them to focus. Following their train of thought or emotions is like following a bouncing ball. (Do you want to be in this position? No, you do not.) They perceive things to be very exciting and have trouble screening out “external stimuli.”

If you don’t position yourself correctly, you’ll just be one ofrepparttar 130011 many things they’re attempting to attend to. They are prone to exaggerate, and are especially difficult for left-brained people who think in a linear, analytic way.

Asking them to “calm down” rarely works, because to their mind, you should “rev up.” So here are some ways to avoid being just their audience (and worn out atrepparttar 130012 same time).

1. USE LIGHT, MINIMAL EYE CONTACT.

In a one-to-one situation, avoid anything that puts you inrepparttar 130013 place of being a perceive audience. Likewise, if you stare atrepparttar 130014 display of tension-release (hands waving, knees bouncing, nail biting) you'll become affected. Eyes “focus” us and you want to directrepparttar 130015 focus. Look at some other part of their face (not into their eyes) or off torepparttar 130016 side. Better yet, have a written agenda and put it in front of you onrepparttar 130017 desk and focus on that. Actually point at it with your finger. You wantrepparttar 130018 focus off YOU, or THEM, and ontorepparttar 130019 SUBJECT and you do this by dealing with a concrete object that representsrepparttar 130020 task, i.e.,repparttar 130021 piece of paper.

2. USE NONVERBAL PACIFYING MEASURES.

Tone everything down. The last thing you want to do is agitate them any more than they already are. Lower your tone of voice, slow your speech, and make slow movements. Calm your facial expression and offer reassurance from time-to-time that “everything’s alright.”

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