Deadly Relationship Habits

Written by Kim Olver

How many of you have ever been involved with a significant other who wanted you to do something you didnít want to do? I doubt that Iímrepparttar only one. By virtue of a significant other relationship, there will be times when our partners will want us to do things we donít necessarily want to do and conversely, there will be times when we will want our partners to do things they donít want to do.

This is perfectly normal. The key, however, is what we do about it. Can you rememberrepparttar 135852 behaviors your partners used to get you to do things their way? Dr. William Glasser, in his book called, Getting Together and Staying Together, talks aboutrepparttar 135853 seven destructive relationship habits. They are: complaining, criticizing, blaming, nagging, threatening, punishing, and bribing or rewarding to control. Do you recognize any favorites?

I like to add guilting torepparttar 135854 list---this seems to be a favorite behavior of mothers. I know, because I am one. You can recognize this pattern in martyr type behavior. Saying things like, ďAfter all Iíve done for you, you canít do this one little thing for me?Ē Iíve actually heard some mothers playrepparttar 135855 ďchildbirth cardĒ. You knowrepparttar 135856 one. It sounds like this: ďI was in labor with you for 36 hours! All Iím asking for is this one thing.Ē

I know for me, I am a world class nagger---just ask my children. The question of ďWill you clean up your room today?Ē can be asked in a variety of different ways, with varying tonal inflections and volumes to convey a variety of meanings. Byrepparttar 135857 time Iíve reachedrepparttar 135858 end of my rope, it would frequently sound like, ďHow can you be so lazy! If you donít do it right now, I am going to do something to hurt you!Ē (This pain usually tookrepparttar 135859 form of haranguing my child for an extended period of time.) Does this sound familiar?

With regard to nagging, it is my belief that after youíve said it three times, your significant other has probably heard you and is not planning on obliging you any time inrepparttar 135860 near future. Repeating your request most likely will be unsuccessful at getting you what you want.

Complaining and criticizing are other behaviors we often engage in to get our loved ones to do something they donít want to do. Does this sound familiar? Why canít you be more like _____________? Do you have to do it THAT way? Why canít you ever do something I want? You never do thingsrepparttar 135861 right way. You are so lazy, stupid, frustrating, aggravating, etc. Do these sound like relationship strengthening behaviors to you?

I thinkrepparttar 135862 blaming, threatening and punishing behaviors are self-explanatory. Blaming sounds like: Itís always your fault. Threatening goes like this: If you do or donít do ______________, then Iím going to (insert something you wonít like). Punishing often takesrepparttar 135863 form of withdrawal. It may be that we give our partnersrepparttar 135864 silent treatment or we may withdraw affection or at least our enthusiasm during intimacy.

The last destructive habit to discuss is called bribing or rewarding to control. This may require a little more discussion. Bribing or rewarding to control does not meanrepparttar 135865 same thing as negotiation. Negotiation in a relationship is very healthy and necessary torepparttar 135866 long term success ofrepparttar 135867 relationship. It involves two willing partners, each interested in helpingrepparttar 135868 other person get what they need, while atrepparttar 135869 same time meeting their own needs. Bribing simply means that I am going to dangle a carrot of what I think you want in front of you to get you to dorepparttar 135870 thing I know you donít want to do.

I can remember often asking my youngest son to pick up his room. His room was always a mess and quite possibly a health hazard. I remember one day, I decided to put my nagging behavior away and try something new. So I said something like this: ďKyle, if you clean your room today, Iíll let you have a friend come over and play.Ē Do you know what his answer was? He said, ďI donít want a friend that bad.Ē Andrepparttar 135871 room didnít get cleaned! What a surprise!

Bribing or rewarding to control also needs to be distinguished from spontaneous rewards. Can you feelrepparttar 135872 difference between these two scenarios? You want your partner to attend an office party with you that he or she does not want to attend. In your best attempt to bribe him or her, you seductively express what you might do when you come home fromrepparttar 135873 party.

Facing Reality

Written by Judi Singleton

What is reality? Being a inner person my reality changes with my thoughts. I change it at will. I realized this morning that I am hyper-critical of myself in what I call reality. I see myself as this middle aged woman 40 pounds overweight. My life lacks true meaning. These are just negative thoughts that jump up in my mind. But I am not a victim of these thoughts I can choose to change them. I can relax and be what I really am a prosperous child of Higher power. When I relax and let go and claim this thought I become what I think. With allrepparttar difficulties we face in life, it is especially important now that we begin conditioning ourselves to think positive. Not only for our own health and well-being, but for allrepparttar 135750 other lives we impact. A pessimist will always seerepparttar 135751 dark side of things and blame others, such as blamingrepparttar 135752 goverment, our president,repparttar 135753 neighbors,repparttar 135754 boss. The other side of that is seeing things likerepparttar 135755 Higher Power created them with awe andrepparttar 135756 eyes of a child. To think more like an optimist, you must first be grateful for everything in your life evenrepparttar 135757 depressed dark thoughts for they give you a clue how to change yourself and your thinking to seerepparttar 135758 world in a different way. When you get a compliment take it as an affirmation of your worth. Enjoy this pat onrepparttar 135759 back by your fellow man, give yourself some pats onrepparttar 135760 back too. In to order to make positive thinking yield results, some inner work is necessary. You need to develop a positive attitude towards life, and expect a successful outcome of whatever you do. See yourself each day being successful at what you are dreaming of even even if circumstances are torepparttar 135761 contrary. The mind does not knowrepparttar 135762 difference between imagination and what we call reality. So go to your quiet spot and meditate. Imagine yourself doing what you are dreaming of doing. A positive attitude and thoughts are contagious. You not only draw into your life people who are postive, but people want to be around you and help you because you help uplift them too. Try some ofrepparttar 135763 following suggestions:

When you catch yourself making a negative statement out loud or in your thinking, turn it around and use its opposite to reaffirm what you want. I can, I am able to, I am willing to do this.

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