DON'T LET FINANCES RULE OVER YOUR SELF-ESTEEMWritten by Terry L. Sumerlin
I know a barber who had opportunity of buying one of oldest and best barbershops in his city. He had worked there for a few years, and knew it was a good investment. So, he made arrangements with owner, and took plunge.However, it wasn’t long before he realized he was in serious financial difficulty. Actually, he was in trouble before purchase of shop, and added debt put him in way over his head. Prior to obtaining barbershop, this fellow had several bad business ventures. They were all legitimate. Just bad choices! Generally, they all involved selling, in which he was not exactly a shining star. Oh, he did manage to sell a few things such as his house and his car. It was not quite that bad, but almost. About same time as business failures and purchase of barbershop, his wife and two daughters were in college. So debts really began to pile up, as pressure became intolerable. Also, fatigue set in because of three jobs he was working so that he could continue to tread water. The barber/entrepreneur did a couple of things he thought might relieve some immediate pressure. He borrowed on credit cards and from Internal Revenue Service (by not paying estimated taxes). Eventually everything started to come apart, as IRS threatened a tax lien. For lunch one Saturday barber’s family came to his shop after hours, as they often did. He was so overcome with worry and stress that he verbally threw them out. Then he went home, closed his bedroom door and considered how he might end his life without destroying his family or disappointing his God. As it turned out, only thoughts of God and family keep him from doing unthinkable. As you might guess, I know fellow’s story so well because I’m fellow. Today, I’m pleased to say that, because I obtained help I needed emotionally and financially, I’m well on way to being completely debt free in few years (except for a home mortgage). And, I lead a happier, fuller life than ever. However, I’ve been left with some lessons I’ll never forget. The first lesson is: “Debt robs a man of his self-respect, and makes him almost despise himself.” (P.T. Barnum). Thus, there’s a need to use credit wisely. Self-esteem is at stake. And, while you might buy things on credit that you can’t afford, because it temporarily lifts your spirits or gives you something to show to others, it’s not worth shame and loathing when debt becomes overwhelming. Learn to live within your means even if it involves doing without!
| | Crazy Talk or Clear Communication? Written by Paul & Layne Cutright
Kevin apologized to Melissa after he missed an appointment. It was a simple misunderstanding, so Melissa said she wasn't really upset, just frustrated and disappointed. But Kevin sensed there was more to it. Melissa's smile seemed forced, and he felt there was more she wanted to say, but Melissa insisted they forget about it and move on. Still, Kevin had an uneasy feeling in pit of his stomach. Emotional Incongruence Emotional authenticity--acknowledging your true feelings--initiates enlightened conflict resolution. Yet this can be compromised by emotional incongruence: denying or trying to cover your true feelings, either intentionally or not. Most people have learned to hide their feelings. They've learned to be guarded because dropping mask and being emotionally honest can lead to feeling vulnerable. In heat of moment, it can be hard to see how honesty and vulnerability might be good, how completely disarming they can be and how important they are to building trust and compassion. No, in heat of moment, hiding seems like a better idea. And to make it more complex, sometimes you know you are doing it, and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you lie about your feelings to get upper hand. It's almost always a self-defeating move, though, because it is so transparent. People may not notice deceit right away, but after they have had a chance to reflect, truth usually dawns. They may not confront you because it is not worth effort, but they will feel wary and simply "go polite" and keep their distance. Just as Kevin did with Melissa. At other times, you may be out of touch with your feelings and try to fool yourself into maintaining a particular self-image. Perhaps you're trying to keep up appearance of being nice or spiritual or in control. But just beneath surface, fear of looking bad, or being wrong or cast aside, dictates your defensiveness. Others almost always experience your defensiveness as aggression, which escalates arguments. You may think you are communicating clearly, but you are sending mixed messages. Just as Melissa did.
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