Curbing Public Nuisance (Part 1) By David Leonhardt
He's been around since dawn of humanity. His profession is even older than world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.
I am speaking, of course, of public nuisance.
He was that slithery dude in Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite of apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."
Even in caveman days, public nuisance was one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"
He is opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesar Coliseum should be built on west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built on west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he build Coliseum on west side of town? No-o."
"So...that's why lions are drooling on other side of that door?"
"Ah...well, yes, actually."
The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining about weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."
"What's wrong with weather?"
"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work in fields. It gets dry when crops need rain. And did you see how wind blew other night..."
The public nuisance has been with us throughout ages, playing music too loud in public places.
"What's that racket?"
"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."
"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"
"But what can I do?"
"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "
But, like all good things, even public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services to population. Machines supply all disturbance we could possibly desire.