Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 1)

Written by David Leonhardt


Curbingrepparttar Public Nuisance (Part 1) By David Leonhardt

He's been around sincerepparttar 132306 dawn of humanity. His profession is even older thanrepparttar 132307 world's oldest profession. He's been loathed and reviled by politicians, bureaucrats and hot dog vendors.

I am speaking, of course, ofrepparttar 132308 public nuisance.

He was that slithery dude inrepparttar 132309 Garden of Eden, taunting folks to shoplift. "Go on. Take a bite ofrepparttar 132310 apple. The grocer will never know it's misssssing."

Even in caveman days,repparttar 132311 public nuisance wasrepparttar 132312 one who would always have a practical joke to play on somebody. "Hee, hee. Thag not looking. I go paint his fire green so it look like bush. He no be able to find fire. Hee, hee. OUCH! Ooh. Ooh. Yowwww. That hot!"

He isrepparttar 132313 opinionated loudmouth who can't keep his trap shut. "I told Caesarrepparttar 132314 Coliseum should be built onrepparttar 132315 west side of town. 'Caesar,' I said. 'The Coliseum should be built onrepparttar 132316 west side of town.' But did he listen to me? No-o. Did he buildrepparttar 132317 Coliseum onrepparttar 132318 west side of town? No-o."

"So...that's whyrepparttar 132319 lions are drooling onrepparttar 132320 other side of that door?"

"Ah...well, yes, actually."

The public nuisance is that whiner who can't stop complaining aboutrepparttar 132321 weather. "Aw, c'mon Leonardo. Why don't you invent something useful, for a change? Like better weather."

"What's wrong withrepparttar 132322 weather?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong?! It's too cold when I want it to be too hot. It's too hot when I want it to be too cold. It rains when I work inrepparttar 132323 fields. It gets dry whenrepparttar 132324 crops need rain. And did you see howrepparttar 132325 wind blewrepparttar 132326 other night..."

The public nuisance has been with us throughoutrepparttar 132327 ages, playing music too loud in public places.

"What's that racket?"

"I think some teenagers are playing their lutes a little loud."

"Well how's a middle-aged lady supposed to get any sleep around here?"

"But what can I do?"

"You're a knight, for goodness sake. Get your horse and your lance and run them down. "

But, like all good things, evenrepparttar 132328 public nuisance has been transformed by technological advances. We no longer rely on manual labor to provide public nuisance services torepparttar 132329 population. Machines supply allrepparttar 132330 disturbance we could possibly desire.

Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2)

Written by David Leonhardt


Curbingrepparttar Public Nuisance (Part 2) By David Leonhardt

Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve inrepparttar 132304 Garden of Eden that cornerstone of society has been automated.

I am speaking, of course, ofrepparttar 132305 public nuisance ( I wrote about him in Part 1 at http://www.thehappyguy.com/nuisance1.html . )

No longer do pests have to come around in restaurants and train stations and villages singing loudly and playing their harpsichords. We now have machines to do that for us machines like televisions and radios and elevator muzak and backfiring Mustangs.

Inrepparttar 132306 olden days, you could just throw a brick at a public nuisance, and that would usually shut him up for two minutes five ifrepparttar 132307 brick hit its mark.

But it's harder to throw a brick at a TV, because bar owners send bloodthirsty lawyers after you, somethingrepparttar 132308 old-fashioned public nuisances knew nothing about. And how can you throw a brick atrepparttar 132309 shadowy creature producing elevator muzak?

So it was inevitable that some guy named Mitch Altman would invent a high-tech way to neutralize those high-tech public nuisances. It's an infrared keychain called TV-B-Gone that shuts off intrusive TVs remotely.

"Hey I was watching that show," calls outrepparttar 132310 six-foot-four, burly guy atrepparttar 132311 bar. "Whoever zapped my show has five second to unzap it., or I'll get off this stool." Oh, well. I suppose there are still a few technical adjustments to tinker with.

But I was thinking, "Hey. I could invent something useful like that. I could invent a high-tech brick to shut down those high-tech public nuisances for at least five minutes." So I did.

First, I set out to defeat muzak. I invented a device calledrepparttar 132312 Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. I was so excited, I decided to take it for a test drive. I found a really high building and headed straight forrepparttar 132313 elevator.

Half way up, I activated my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. "Aha!" I called out. "We have your elevator hostage. If you shutrepparttar 132314 muzak off, we will release it unharmed."

The other passengers looked at me like I had a purple horn growing out of one ear.

"I said, turn offrepparttar 132315 muzak and your elevator won't be harmed."

One passenger was starting to get interested. "Whatrepparttar 132316 *$&% do you think you're doing?"

Cont'd on page 2 ==>
 
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