Create a Magic Connection with Clients, Leads, and Business Associates -- Part I By Cora L. FoerstnerA few months ago, arriving at a client’s office to begin a group meeting, I discovered that two women, who had committed to joining us for a series of meetings, had changed their minds. In less than two minutes, I convinced them to join us. Did I use some sort of magic? You bet I did. Would you like to know that magic?
Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP), a science that studies
language of mind, breaks down, step-by-step, strategies humans use to connect with others. Most people believe that we communicate primarily through language and words. Yet, many business people are aware of body language and its importance in interacting with people. Some may be aware of studies that show that language has less influence on others than physiology and tonality. If we want to connect with others, it behooves us to be consciously aware of how we use physiology and tonality as well as how we use words.
Here is brake down of how we communicate: 7% through words, 38% through tonality, 55% through physiology. It’s clear that if we focus our communication only on words and language, we are missing out on 93% of our resources for communication. NLP teaches that anyone can establish rapport with another person instantaneously. Rapport in NLP is defined differently from its usual definition. Rapport, as NLP views it, is not developing a relationship, although it may lead to relationship. NLP defines rapport as an instant connection with another person, usually taking place at subconscious level.
When people meet and instantly feel they know each other, or people are instantly comfortable with each other, this is rapport. “I feel as if I’ve known you for years” is a statement that shows instant rapport.
This kind of rapport happens all time. People practice rapport unconsciously with friends, family, and new acquaintances. NLP helps us to do consciously and with volition what we do naturally but often unconsciously with people we know and meet.
This article will sketch out some basic strategies that, if put into practice, can dramatically change a person’s interaction with others and help her to make connections easily. It’s like magic.
PHYSIOLOGY
Since physiology is primary way people communicate (55%), everyone should have at least a basic understanding of how to establish rapport on a physical level. Posture, breathing, eye movement, blinking are all possible ways of establishing rapport. There are two ways of creating a connection through physiology: matching and mirroring.
Matching is doing same thing with your body as someone else is doing with her body. For example, if someone standing in front of you has her head tilt to right, you would tilt your head to right. If someone were observing you, she would see your heads tilted in opposite directions.
Mirroring creates a mirror image. If someone has her head tilted right, and you are standing in front of her, you tilt your head to left. To an observer, your heads would be tilted in same direction.
Both matching and mirroring should be done subtly, not exaggerated. The idea is to connect, not to be offensive. Most people find it offensive if someone is mimicking them. Don’t do what children do when imitating someone with intention of annoying. When establishing rapport, goal is to be natural, smooth, and inconspicuous. Observe people who like each other. People do these things naturally. When people are matching and mirroring each other, they are establishing rapport. They are connecting on an unconscious level.
Go back and read first paragraph of this article. My magic was simple. I noticed that women were standing with their shoulders slumped forward and they were leaning toward each other. I matched them and smiled. Magic!
