Creating a Family IdentityWritten by Ginny Warren
CREATING A FAMILY IDENTITY Everyone who has a family has stories to share. Family traditions, quotes and tall tales are valuable tools that can be used to help create a unique family identity. It gives us a sense of where we came from, our values, our sense of humor, our history and sense of belonging to something comfortable, unique and bigger than ourselves. Our family's faith and foundation is transferred to us by other, usually older, family members, and is important to us as we carve out our place in big world. The most obvious and sometimes most difficult way to create a family identity is by taking time to talk to our children, really talk to them, at length, about ourselves, our family growing up, and what their grandparents and great grandparents were like. Why is this so difficult? Because now, more than ever we are shuttling our kids from one activity to another, breathlessly throwing fast food at them and sending them off to bed with no more than, "Brush your teeth," in way of conversation. We drive here and there listening to talk radio while our kids are plugged into video games and MP3 players with headphones that further distance them from their siblings sitting right next to them. In order to enhance your ability to create a family identity, you don't need to quit everything and homeschool your children, although that works for some who are called to that lifestyle. Family traditions are important to building family identity and seem to come naturally with holidays and birthdays. However, so can implementing things as simple as having no electronic entertainment on Mondays in order to enjoy more productive time together. A half hour, bedtime tuck-in with stories, private talks and prayers will nurture a relationship and deepen children's sense of belonging to something bigger and more important than themselves.
| | Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving ParentingWritten by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as author resource box at end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you are free to use, see http://www.innerbonding.com Title: Authoritarian Parenting, Permissive Parenting, or Loving Parenting Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 783 Category: Parenting AUTHORITARIAN PARENTING, PERMISSIVE PARENTING, OR LOVING PARENTING By Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept her on a tight leash. They rarely considered her feelings about anything, showing a complete lack of empathy and compassion for her feelings and desires. If she came home five minutes late from school or from an activity, she was punished. Yelling and hitting were their favorite forms of punishment. Angie was a good girl. She did well in school and did what she was told, but was often sad and lonely and never felt important. When she married and had her own children, she knew that she didn’t want to treat her children way she had been treated. She wanted to consider their feelings and needs. She wanted them to feel valued and important. Angie was a very loving mother. She spent lots of time with her children, playing with them, listening to them, and giving them much affection and approval. However, because it was so vital to Angie that her children feel valued and important, she often put herself aside and gave in to their demands. Because Angie had never felt important, it was easy to put herself aside. She actually believed that her children’s feelings and needs were more important than hers. As a result, Angie swung other way from her own upbringing and became a permissive parent. The consequences for Angie of authoritarian parenting was that she didn’t value herself. The results for her children of permissive parenting was that her children grew up with entitlement issues, thinking they were more important than others, and often not being caring and respectful toward others. Neither authoritarian nor permissive parenting is loving parenting. Loving parenting is parenting that values both parents’ and children’s feelings and needs. Loving parents do not attempt to control their children – other than in actual situations of health and safety - nor do they allow their children to control them. They do not violate their children with anger, blame, or hitting, nor do they allow their children to violate them. They do not expect their children to give themselves for others, nor do they give themselves up for their children.
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