Robert Elias Najemy

Part 1 of a 3 part series

We present you with a brief outline of some basic points necessary to tend to in order to create a harmonious and loving relationship.

INNER PREPARATION

Internal preparation is prerequisite for developing maturity necessary to succeed in creating a conscious loving union with our love partner. (Although we are discussing here specifically romantic love relationships, most of what is being said is also useful for other relationships.)

a. Clarify Values, Needs, Life Style:

The more mature we are when we enter a relationship, more likely we are to succeed in finding harmony we desire. In general, we attract persons who correspond to our present stage of interests, motives, values, goals, etc. This occurs through attraction of similars and also opposites. As we ourselves mature and become more aligned to our true selves, we will attract people who are aligned to our true needs and goals.

We would do best to begin a process of self-knowledge and determine what we really want out of life. We need to clarify our values, needs and preferred life style. Having done so, we will then attract a partner with whom we can share whatever is important to us.

b. Learn to love yourself:

If we do not believe we are lovable, it is unlikely we will attract a mate who will abundantly express love to us. We attract those who will reflect to us very same feelings we harbor for ourselves. Even if other does not reject us, we will frequently project or imagine that he or she is doing so.

We exhaust our partners with our need for continuous reaffirmation of their love. When we doubt our self-worth, we easily fear losing other?s respect, admiration and love. We fear losing other to someone else. We then become negative, possessive, jealous and often so overbearing that we suffocate other until he or she does actually leave or develops various protective mechanisms, such as aloofness or aggressiveness.

When we doubt our self-worth, our need to be accepted and affirmed by our partner often causes us to deny our own feelings, needs, beliefs and values. We try to become who we believe other wants us to be. We cannot bear for other to be dissatisfied or angry with us. We are afraid we are at fault or that other will leave us.

c. Develop Inner security.

If we believe that we are not safe alone in world without our partner, we are denying our real selves, our real power, and our spiritual nature.

I have heard a number of women confess that they have stayed with their husbands, who were cheating on them for years, not because they loved them, or believed they would ever change, but because they feared being alone, especially economically. These women are bartering their self-respect and happiness for a false sense of security.

Robert Elias Najemy

You are sitting by a quietly flowing stream in countryside. It is spring and life is green and moist? Sitting on a rock, sights and sounds of flowing water begin to work their mysterious way into your nervous system.

Gradually, with simple repetition of water?s song and harmonious beauty of natural surroundings, thousands of electronic impulses of your brain begin to discharge into tension-absorbing air.

All of concerns, problems and projects, which had filled your mind to bursting capacity begin to disappear.

There is nothing to try to figure out now, nothing to decide.

The flowers silently console you with their perfect peace and harmony.

The fresh air tingles in your lungs and your head becomes clear.

You feel somehow sedated, as if forces of nature have conspired to put you to sleep - to put you at ease.

The wind massages your body with caresses of coolness as sun unties your muscles with penetrating warmth.

There is nothing to do, nowhere to go and nothing to think of. Just lie back and absorb peaceful vibrations which flow into every part of your being, whispering, «be at peace, relax my friend, all is well now».

A delicious sleep falls upon you; not really sleep but a half-conscious-half-sleep state, in which trees, sounds and breeze begin to come inside and mix with all of thoughts and feelings. It is as if door of your mind has been opened and all of those conversations, actions and perceptions lying unresolved, floating at various depths in sea of mind begin to float upwards and outwards.

Reality now is a mixture of inner and outer.

The peace and security of being in womb of nature allows us to surrender to sun, water and wind, while earth-draws out our stresses and frustrations.

We swim semiconsciously at level where conscious blends into unconscious.

We dance in our sea of consciousness, sometimes floating up to surface catching sensation of breeze, or warmth of sun. Then we dive downward into a stream of upward floating thoughts, images, sounds - all dislodged refuse from nervous stresses and unresolved problems. We watch them as they float by and then dive deeper sensing by now there is something at bottom of sea, which is attractive to us.

Occasionally we get caught by an upward floating sensation of worry, resentment, an image or an attachment, and before we know it, we are at surface again thinking, wondering, worrying, being rocked by waves of attachment. But dance goes on, we begin to sink again, for by now we see that we cannot really dive because diving is too intense - there is too much effort - we get hooked too easily on upward floating garbage.

We instinctively learn dance of water, sinking, watching, letting go, being carried on vertical currents of fresh water from depths of our consciousness, like a seagull with wings spread gliding air currents flowing against it without a movement, without an effort, letting air do all work.

By this time, we are no longer concerned about where we are going. The water becomes clearer, free of debris. We have gone beyond levels of stress release, past wreckage of old memories, relationships, failures and traumas. We have danced through caverns of resentment and worry.

The water becomes very clean, very still, very peaceful.