Create a Magic Connection with Clients, Leads, and Business Associates – Part II by Cora L. FoerstnerPart I of this article explored how strategies of Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP) can be used to gain instant rapport with clients, leads, and business associates, and more specifically, how to use physiology, matching and mirroring, to create instant magic communications.
Now, how can tonality and words establish rapport?
TONALITY
While physiology accounts for 55% of communication among humans, tonality accounts for 38%. Most people have had
experience of someone saying, “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.” While literal words indicate that this person doesn’t have a problem, everyone knows that tone used can speak louder than words.
Someone yelling “I’m not mad,” isn’t convincing. If this happens in a sitcom, we laugh. In real life, we dismiss words and read meaning from tone of voice. Often tonality is more subtle than these examples, but it is still a powerful communicator. Boredom, excitement, anger, melancholy, disbelief, questions, enthusiasm, honesty are more often communicated through tone, rather than words.
What do you wish to communicate to clients, leads, or business associates? Make your tonality appropriate.
Many people do business exclusively over phone. When talking on phone, it is crucial to be aware of tonality. In a phone conversation, both people are communicating via their tonality, often unconsciously. Don’t leave tonality to chance. Enthusiasm, charm, friendliness as well as boredom, depression, and annoyance are communicated through sound.
TONALITY
Tonality includes: Tone (pitch: high, low) Tempo (speed: slow, fast) Timbre (quality: clear, raspy) Volume (loudness)
If you are talking to someone, who has a high-pitched voice raise your pitch a little. Like matching and mirroring, you don’t want to imitate. Don’t be dramatic, be subtle. Match last few words someone says.
Speed is important. People who talk fast are often impatient with people who speak slower. People who speak at a slow speed are often turned off by people who speak rapidly. For someone who naturally speaks fast, slower speaking people seems to take forever to say something. For someone who naturally speaks slowly, fast talker seems hyper, insincere. The cliche “fast talking city slicker” captures this idea.
I was in New York giving a presentation; person who presented before I did took more than her a lotted time. My presentation was cut short. I began speaking at what I considered high speed and told everyone that I was talking fast because I wanted to get through my entire presentation. Several audience members laughed and said, “We’re New Yorkers. No matter how fast you talk, it won’t be too fast.” I couldn’t match their speed. In contrast to New Yorkers, I visited a friend in Georgia whose southern drawl was slow, hypnotic, and relaxed.
Notice timbre and volume! Volume of voice can be very effective with someone who is angry. A few years ago, I unwittingly angered another professor. As he became more angry, his voice grew louder. I kept my voice low and soft, believing that would calm him. I watched rather mystified as he grew more angry as I controlled my voice, trying to sound calm and in control.
If someone is angry, try matching volume of his voice without matching anger. It might feel strange, but matching volume creates rapport.
There is one other thing to keep in mind for phone rapport. If you are person calling, you set pace for phone call. If you have high energy, excitement, enthusiasm, you will put person on other end of line into a better mood. You can maintain energy, excitement, and enthusiasm while matching tone, temp, timbre, and volume. This was model for me about a year ago. I wasn’t feeling great and was rather down in dumps. I phoned a business. The woman who answered phone was energetic and excited. I immediately felt a shift in my mood. When I hung up, I was in a better mood. A few weeks later when I met this woman, I was predisposed to like her. She had immediately established rapport with me.
