Coping with the Loss Caused by Chronic IllnessWritten by Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
Living with a chronic illness has a profound impact on one’s life and creates a lot of grief in response to losses it imposes on our lives. There are wide arrays of potential life interruptions and psychological changes one will go through when dealing with their illness. Our illness is erratic and unpredictable and requires constant readjusting. We are likely to endure multiple losses that may include loss of control and personal power, which is an important contributor to self-esteem, as well as loss of independence, loss of identity, loss of financial status and loss of one’s customary lifestyle. In addition to these we may also have to face possible relinquishing of our hopes and dreams and face fear of more on going losses. Changing roles in family, work and social situations that result from a person’s illness also can create additional adjustment problems for everyone involved. Family members and partners are likely to be experiencing same feelings as we are as well as their own feelings as to how illness is impacting their life. If these issues are not worked out, then relationships may all apart and leave us with another loss. Perhaps most difficult of these transitions is loss of identity one held before becoming sick. Often, there is a complete restructuring of way one defines oneself and ways in which one interacts with world. Sometimes it is difficult to feel good about oneself as our illness or disability is incorporated into a new self-image. The work of rebuilding one’s life and identity can be further complicated by loss of spouses or partners or other supportive relationships that sometimes follow onset of serious illness. And, as all persons who suffer with an invisible illness know, lack of validation and support for our illness creates further grief and frustration. At a time when we most need compassion, love, understanding, sympathy and support we may be met with criticism, disbelief, and anger. It is no wonder that many people facing these multiple losses and grief that naturally ensues find themselves experiencing high levels of anger, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, resentment, depression and damaged self-esteem. Coping with all these issues can be very overwhelming. There are several things we can do to help get though these difficulties and to cope better: -Establish a good relationship with a supportive health care provider. -Allow yourself to feel and express your feelings. -Allow yourself to grieve for what you have lost. -Find support such as a support group, friends, counselor, etc. -Recognize limits in your life and set reasonable goals. Be realistic about what to expect from yourself. -Learn to adapt, make substitutions and modifications so that you can still participate in fulfilling life activities. Do something fun! -Keep communication open with partners, friends and family members so that feelings and resentments don’t build up and so everyone’s needs can be addressed and met in best way possible. -Learn to value your own company, become your own best friend and find your self worth based on inner strengths rather than on what you do. -Take care of your body by following a healthy diet, mild exercise, and appropriate rest. Listen to your body. It will tell you what it needs. Pamper and nurture yourself with things that are enjoyable for you. -Educate yourself as much as possible about your condition and take an active role in your treatment. This will help regain a sense of control and improve your self-esteem. -Let go of expectations of others and society. Understand that societies definition of what’s “normal” no longer applies. Do what you need to do for yourself. -Make peace with your illness. Try to think of your illness and your pain as your companion instead of your enemy. Listen to wisdom and lessons it may carry for you. Learn to flow with and accept your illness rather than resisting it.
| | 10 Tips for Staying Within Your Dietary RestrictionsWritten by Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
1. If you are going to a social event take your own appropriate food with you. It is very tempting to throw your restrictions aside to be part of crowd and fit in. Pack up your own little meal and take it with you. Yes, you may feel embarrassed at first, but over time you will become more comfortable. You could also try eating a healthy meal at home before going to event so that you won’t be hungry and then you can just skip eating aspect of event and enjoy other aspects. 2. If you are going to be away from home during meal times or snack times, pack up a little lunch in a small cooler and keep it with you. If hunger hits you when you are out and about it is very easy to give in to unhealthy temptations that you will pay for later. 3. Find alternatives to replace your restrictions. If you can’t eat wheat, then get products made with alternative grains. If you can’t eat chocolate, then try some tasty carob. If you can’t have sugar, use sugar alternatives. If you can’t have dairy, there are numerous delicious dairy alternatives that can satisfy your craving for ice cream or cheese. It is essential to find alternatives, so that you will not feel deprived. If you are feeling deprived you will be more likely to cheat. 4. Once a week reward yourself with something you aren’t usually allowed to have. For instance if sweets are forbidden then once a week allow yourself to have a healthy sweet. Something made with a healthy sweetener. Sugar is addictive because it is not a really a food. It is a chemical. The biochemical make up of sugar is almost identical to alcohol except for one molecule. Sugar weakens immune system, depletes adrenal glands, and depletes vitamin and mineral levels. You can break sugar habit, but replacing it with things such as dates, bananas, raisins, maple syrup, barley malt, brown rice syrup, or stevia. These sweets are whole foods and will not damage body. Another example would be if you are not allowed to eat wheat, then once a week allow yourself a meal of something made of wheat. 5. Exercise regularly, at least 3 times a week for 20 minutes. It not only burns off calories, but it improves immune function, and boosts self-esteem by stimulating our happy hormones. Exercise is essential.
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