Coping with Your StalkerWritten by Sam Vaknin
Abuse by proxy continues long after relationship is officially over (at least as far as you are concerned). The majority of abusers get message, however belatedly and reluctantly. Others – more vindictive and obsessed – continue to haunt their ex-spouses for years to come. These are stalkers.Most stalkers are what Zona (1993) and Geberth (1992) call "Simple Obsessional" or, as Mullen and Pathe put it (1999) – "Rejected". They stalk their prey as a way of maintaining dissolved relationship (at least in their diseased minds). They seek to "punish" their quarry for refusing to collaborate in charade and for resisting their unwanted and ominous attentions. Such stalkers come from all walks of life and cut across social, racial, gender, and cultural barriers. They usually suffer from one or more (comorbid) personality disorders. They may have anger management or emotional problems and they usually abuse drugs or alcohol. Stalkers are typically lonely, violent, and intermittently unemployed – but they are rarely full fledged criminals. Contrary to myths perpetrated by mass media, studies show that most stalkers are men, have high IQ's, advanced degrees, and are middle aged (Meloy and Gothard, 1995; and Morrison, 2001). Rejected stalkers are intrusive and inordinately persistent. They recognize no boundaries – personal or legal. They honor to "contracts" and they pursue their target for years. They interpret rejection as a sign of victim's continued interest and obsession with them. They are, therefore, impossible to get rid of. Many of them are narcissists and, thus, lack empathy, feel omnipotent and immune to consequences of their actions.
| | Holiday Stress? Tips For Having LessWritten by Deborah Martin
Holiday Stress? Some Tips For Having LessWe all dream of having wonderful holidays. We start each day full of spirit of season. We look at lovely fresh fallen snow, and marvel at beauty of world. But lets face it - life can be stressful. By time we get kids up, dressed, and fed, referee a few morning scuffles, find lost homework, binkies, and keys, field a few phone calls, dig out car, make our way through morning traffic, and try to get some Christmas shopping done at local Target, good feeling is... well, gone. The joy and magic of season can easily be overshadowed by obligations, responsibilities, credit card spending gone mad, and, of course, relatives. If any of this is sounding familiar, you might be asking yourself - How could we end madness? Well, here are some tips to make season a little jollier - or at least less cranky. Adjust your outlook: Your perspective is looking glass through which you see world. It is central to how you experience emotions, situations, and life in general. By shifting your perspective you can, in effect, change you experience. This is your life - put a positive spin on things - what have you got to loose but blues! Simplify your life: Get organized, try to cut down on clutter, and prioritize your tasks. Many dreaded obligations are self-imposed. Remember you really don't have to do everything.
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