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Title: Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 732 Category: Self Improvement, Personal Growth
Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Controlling behavior: Behavior intended to control your own feelings, control how people feel about you and treat you, or control outcome of things.
All of us have grown up learning many different ways to control – we had to as part of our survival.
Perhaps you grew up in a family that used anger and criticism as forms of control and this became role modeling for what you do now. Or you might have been a child who picked up on anger early, had temper tantrums, and you are still using anger as your primary form of control.
If anger and criticism was used in your family, you might have learned to respond to it with compliance – being a good girl or boy. You might have learned to put aside your own feelings and needs and go along with what others wanted in hopes of controlling their feelings and actions toward you. You might use care-taking as your primary form of control.
Or, you might have decided to go in opposite direction and resist others’ attempts to control you. You might have decided that having control over not being controlled is what is really important. If you struggle with procrastination, you might want consider that resistance has become a major form of control for you.
Perhaps you decided as a child to just withdraw and shut out others’ attempts to control you. You might have also decided to try to control your own feelings through addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, work, TV, gambling, spending, and so on.
Finally, you might have decided that avoiding your feelings by staying in your head instead of your heart is way to feel safe from pain. The abandonment of your own feelings – lack of love for yourself - results in inner emptiness. Your emptiness becomes like a vacuum on others’ energy, pulling on others to give you love you need to fill your inner emptiness.