Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control?

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

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Title: Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control? Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: © 2005 by Margaret Paul URL: Word Count: 732 Category: Self Improvement, Personal Growth

Controlling Behavior – How Do You Attempt to Control? By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Controlling behavior: Behavior intended to control your own feelings, control how people feel about you and treat you, or controlrepparttar 142987 outcome of things.

All of us have grown up learning many different ways to control – we had to as part of our survival.

Perhaps you grew up in a family that used anger and criticism as forms of control and this becamerepparttar 142988 role modeling for what you do now. Or you might have been a child who picked up on anger early, had temper tantrums, and you are still using anger as your primary form of control.

If anger and criticism was used in your family, you might have learned to respond to it with compliance – being a good girl or boy. You might have learned to put aside your own feelings and needs and go along with what others wanted inrepparttar 142989 hopes of controlling their feelings and actions toward you. You might use care-taking as your primary form of control.

Or, you might have decided to go inrepparttar 142990 opposite direction and resist others’ attempts to control you. You might have decided that having control over not being controlled is what is really important. If you struggle with procrastination, you might want consider that resistance has become a major form of control for you.

Perhaps you decided as a child to just withdraw and shut out others’ attempts to control you. You might have also decided to try to control your own feelings through addictions such as food, alcohol, drugs, work, TV, gambling, spending, and so on.

Finally, you might have decided that avoiding your feelings by staying in your head instead of your heart isrepparttar 142991 way to feel safe from pain. The abandonment of your own feelings –repparttar 142992 lack of love for yourself - results in inner emptiness. Your emptiness becomes like a vacuum on others’ energy, pulling on others to give yourepparttar 142993 love you need to fill your inner emptiness.

Anger and the American Family: Learn to Respond Rather than React

Written by Dr. Tony Fiore

Case #1. Brianna, 32, would get instantly outraged when her ex-husband threatened to file for custody of their two small children. Deciding to respond differently, she bit her tongue, and remained quiet when he began threatening an escalated legal battle.

Unable to getrepparttar usual reaction from her, he calmed down and instantly became rational and more reasonable.

Case #2. Tom, 42, would become ballistic reacting to his 17 year old daughter who refused to see she was dating a “loser” boy. The more he yelled,repparttar 142921 deeper she dug her heels and refused to give uprepparttar 142922 boy.

Applyingrepparttar 142923 anger management tool of “respond instead of react”, Tom decided to try something different by includingrepparttar 142924 boy intorepparttar 142925 family activities (as much as he could stand). After about three weeks of this,repparttar 142926 daughter—on her own—decided her “prince-charming” wasn’trepparttar 142927 person she needed to enhance her life and endedrepparttar 142928 relationship.

Learn to be flexible

Individuals who practice good health do not continue behavior that doesn’t achieve desired results. Instead, they adjust—or fine tune—their responses depending onrepparttar 142929 situation.

There are many advantages to learning to be more flexible—and “response-able”— in dealing withrepparttar 142930 stresses and frustrations in your life.

Atrepparttar 142931 top ofrepparttar 142932 list is a sense of empowerment. It just feels good to know that you are in charge of your responses, instead of being controlled by other people or circumstances.

Case # 3. Sixty-four year old Lynn left anger management class one night to find her apartment completely flooded due to a burst water pipe.

Adding to her stress, her insurance company initially refused to pay her claim. She later told us, “I decided to userepparttar 142933 tool you taught us of responding instead of reacting, so I cleaned uprepparttar 142934 whole place myself. I can’t tell you how wonderful and liberating it felt to know that I didn’t have to get upset.

Later, calmer, she recontacted her insurance agent who, this time, agreed to honor her claim! Learn to respond differently.

Step 1: Examine your attitude. Negative voices in your head can be quite convincing —persuading you to judge others, be pessimistic, or think negatively, while creatingrepparttar 142935 destructive feelings that go along with destructive thoughts.

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