Conquering your JealousyWritten by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com
Jealousy. It may only be a simple word, but does not have such a simple definition behind it. There are many reasons we feel jealous and though it is a normal human emotion to feel, it tends to get out of control if we fail to tame it. In order to tame it and control it however, you will first have to learn where your jealousy is coming from. There is always a cause for jealousy to arise and once you have those causes figured out, controlling it will become easier.
When your jealous emotions come out, all you know is that you are feeling that way, correct? That is where you need to stop! It will be hard to remember, but you must take a pause every time you feel jealous and ask yourself why you feel that way. Does it have something to do with your own self-esteem, or does person you are in a relationship with provide you with good reasons to feel this way? Speaking of self-esteem, jealousy is a good way of lowering it. So no matter what reasons may be, it is extremely important for you to conquer it, otherwise it can do great damage to your self-esteem.
Once you figure out where your jealousy is coming from, you will then need to discover why it makes you feel jealous. For instance, if you figured out that it makes you jealous when your boyfriend or girlfriend talks to opposite sex, then you need to discover why it makes you jealous. Did you have an experience in a previous relationship that now causes you to feel jealous with similar situations, or do you just have a fear of being betrayed? If so, why does that fear exist? Is your self-esteem a little lower than you thought? As you can see, there is a huge line of questions that need to be asked and answered in order for your jealousy to be conquered and under control. Acknowledging it is first and important step, so you are already on right and smart track!
Once you have realized where your jealousy comes from and what causes it, you can then concentrate on keeping it in control and hopefully get rid of it. If reason has something To do with your partner, then it is best to have a serious conversation with him or her about it. Do not be afraid or feel stupid for feeling way you feel. You have right to express yourself and they are entitled to knowing what is making you feel jealous. If they truly care about you, they will work on ways to prevent you from experiencing such emotions. It is also a good idea to make an appointment with yourself and find ways you can improve your self-love and health, so that you can gain more strength and confidence, and be ready fight off such jealousies when they come to surface.
Toning down your jealousy and possibly getting rid of it for good will take time. It all depends on situations and reasons. If having a flirtatious partner makes you jealous and your partner stops flirting, then it may be easier to overcome. However, if your jealousy is coming from a different area such as your competitive nature towards other women, then it will be more difficult. It is very common for women to feel jealous of each otherís physique, success and relationships. The best way to fight this jealousy off is to improve your own self-health and lifestyle. Do things that boost your confidence. If you feel jealous of what great shape another woman is in and attention she gets, then perhaps you should focus on yourself rather than her success. Concentrate on finding ways to satisfy yourself both physically and mentally.
Forgiving an AffairWritten by Alina Ruigrok - www.love-sessions.com
The discovery of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your surroundings will look same afterwards because you have not yet started coping with what has transpired. You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught off guard. You never thought this would happen to you. So when it does, what should you do when this painful truth is revealed and how can you forgive it?
The first thing to do when you find out that your partner has been cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your body. Holding your feelings in will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous amount of stress both physically and mentally. Once you have expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking more slowly and rationally. You will start examining your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You will create a chain of questions that have not yet been answered and will start feeling farther and farther away from getting any of them answered. Everything will be sorted out time, but first thing is firstÖ and that is getting your emotions sorted out.
Once your emotions have been expressed and sorted out, it is important to remember to not give affair more power over your life than it deserves, even though at time being, it feels like end of world. The fact of matter is, it is not end of world, but has changed your world and way you look at it, which is understandable. Know that your partnerís affair has nothing to do with his or her love for you, nor does it make you a failure in relationships. What affair does tell you though, is that there are essential issues that need to be addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know that (without getting violent or throwing them out of course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal with issues in your relationship and you are not ready to talk about it just yet.
When you are ready, where do you start? It will be difficult to focus on discussion if you are torturing yourself with visual thoughts of cheating act. Make an effort to be strong and avoid unnecessary painful thoughts that will in no way make you feel better or get your relationship back on track. You know what goes on when two people are intimate, so save yourself details you already know and spare yourself hurt. The focus is to find and establish reasons for affair and ways you can move on with your lives together, with a new and improved affair proof relationship. Good communication will be key to your road to recovery, so be sure to ask right questions, listen with undivided attention and understanding, as well as answering questions you are asked and finding suitable solutions on how to prevent same event in future.
Anger, as well as other emotions, will arise while you and your partner attempt to make things right and better. You may blow up during discussions because your mind will re-fresh your memory of how your partner had guts to betray you and how stupid, hurt and disrespected it made you feel. Your partner (the afairee) may also become upset because of your non-stop attacks on him or her, especially if they confessed and genuinely apologized. Before attempting any conversations regarding affair, be sure that you and your partner agree to disagree and express anger. You both need to have patience for each otherís feelings, for it will take time to get past emotional outbursts. If things start getting out of control and you find yourselves no longer talking, but only yelling and blaming instead, end conversation and give each other some space. You may need to do this several times until you can talk without such interruptions. Take it one step at a time. After all, if you and your partner have made a decision to make things work, then there is no need to rush and panic.