I recently had an experience with one of affiliate programs I *was* involved with. This experience did not surprise me, but did however, disappoint me. It is a sad fact that it did not surprise me and I thought maybe an article on this subject might bring it to our attention.

I did willingly join this program and accept terms of which I do understand. However, when customers of this online business owner would email me with complaints about product and fact that owner would not answer any emails, I definitely had to think twice about promoting this product and affiliate program.

So having decided this, I wrote owner and asked if he could send me small amount owed to me. I informed him I would not be promoting his product or program any longer and would like what was owed to me. His reasoning was, he would not pay me because I joined program willingly and he had a minimum amount.

This I had to accept while thinking, "Wouldn't common decency dictate paying small amount he owed to a former affiliate?" The money itself does not change my life in anyway of course, but human side of this really bothers me.

I will credit him with being polite and professional in his emails, and I also did not get upset, but thanked him for learning experience. I also stated that I would in no way run my affiliate program in that way.

Common decency would prohibit me from doing so.

I realize we are running businesses and need to make money, but do we throw away courtesy, decency, respect and consideration to do so? I think not!

How can a mere speech habit keep us from reflecting professionalism while causing us to abdicate responsibility? Let me demonstrate by example. In seminars I conduct around country, I often ask a question of my clients: What physical manifestations do you personally experience when you find yourself in a tense situation? Generally, answer to this question is phrased in following ways: “You get a tight throat.” “Your palms get sweaty.” “Your heart starts to race.”

Now, notice answers and how they are phrased versus way question was asked. In question I asked for what you personally experience. But people answering my question have shifted response away from being about themselves (thus, abdicating responsibility for their feelings) by choosing to use pronoun “you” in place of “I.” This shift of focus conveys a sense of shifting responsibility because it indicates a refusal to accept what they are experiencing. In this situation, respondents are essentially suggesting that they are speaking for me and what I experience in these situations rather than speaking for themselves.

In these situations, I realize that respondents are not intentionally or deliberately saying they are speaking for me. But subtle shift in pronoun usage shifts focus away from themselves and on to someone else. And any time we abdicate responsibility for something we are experiencing, we are damaging our professional credibility. We may unintentionally be implying to our listeners that we are refusing to accept responsibility for our actions and responses.