We worry about problems, but worry is itself a problem. It inhibits clear thinking, it drains us of energy, it upsets our sleep and our digestion. It can make us irritable, bitter, regretful, pessimistic, depressed... What a price to pay for something that serves no useful function.

We learned to worry at a young age, but they were childish fears, but those childish fears carried on to adulthood. Worrying is about control, we all have a vision of how we want things to be, but when things or situations do not turn out as we expected we feel helpless and overwhelmed by an unpredictable and unkown future. We find it hard to let go of a problem, which then starts to contaminate our mind and thoughts. The truth is that we are our own worst enemy and many of our troubles are inside our head. We put stamp of who we are on every preception. We see world from viewpoint of ourselves and in doing so our emotions and fears blurr our vision.

Worry makes cowards of us all. It forces us to turn away from acting upon a problem or indeed it may even create illusion that problem doesn't exist in first place. Worry pushes us back into ourselves, reinforces impression that worst will happen, that we can't cope, that we are helpless in flow of circumstances which carry us inexorable towards unhappiness.

All of us who have worried have become experts in it over years. But worry itself is cunning, it is a distorting lens which hides from us lessons it is teaching. It causes us to see an opportunity as a risk and a challenge as a problem.

Problems are often created and imposed upon us by other people or rather, by our inablility to prevent other people from loading that weight of trouble on our shoulders. We habitually and implicityly say 'yes' to problems, because many of us do not have coping techniques to assert 'no'. Manuel Smith's 'When I Say No I Feel Guilty' is a useful and empowering book on assertiveness.

Potentially we have a great deal of control over way we talk to ourselves. But frequently, bleak melody of worry runs in our minds as a kind of background noise to our lives. The irony is that we don't even make an effort to eliminate it, but just listen to that same old tune of hopelessness and gloom. But by establishing a coping dialogue we can diminish and dispel tedious repetitiveness of worry. Take time out every day to give yourself a pep talk. Be upbeat, confident, determined. Simply tell yourself with as much conviction as you can muster that you are going to take deliberate action to achieve what you can and refuse to be troubled by circumstances that are beyond your control.

Below are some tips on how to control your worring. I know from experience that this is not an easy thing to do, but with a little patience and perserverance you will soon be able to control your worrying instead of it controlling you.

1.See Yourself as a Success

You’re probably familiar with that little voice inside your head that tells you you’re never good enough. Instead of letting that voice continuously judge what you didn’t do right; focus on an actual moment in your life that makes you feel wonderful.

This could be a moment at your wedding, birth of your first child, or a great victory you achieved. Picture it as if you were living it all over again. Right before you think of this moment, say these words: “You know what this (say bad feeling you are having right then) reminds me of? It reminds me of time…

Then remember or in essence “live out” your great moment. End moment with words: “That’s what this reminds me of.” This is exactly what Olympic athletes have done for years to increase their physical performance. They see it first in their imagination and then they reach their goals.

2.Restore Your Self Confidence

The second key to getting over your need for acceptance is self-confidence. Confidence is result of how you see yourself in your imagination. The way your nervous system makes you feel is direct result of what’s going on in your imagination.

That’s why when someone describes a great meal; you begin to salivate even though there is no actual food in reality. To your nervous system, this “food” is more real than actual food itself. Since that’s case, just think what would happen if you imagined yourself being successful and confident?