Children’s SexualityWritten by Rexanne Mancini
We are all born as sexual beings. It is as much a part of our anatomy, our emotional and mental make-up as breathing. Whether we are acting upon our sexual drive at any given moment is beside point. I think it’s important to realize that children have sexual feelings, just not as developed as adult feelings. Whether these instincts remain healthy is quite another story. As parents, I believe we need to instill a healthy outlook in our kids about sex and their imminent sexuality. The first inkling we have of our little ones being sexual is their first attempts at masturbation. This could take any form you can imagine but most parents notice our babies discover their genitals at about 10 months of age and maybe younger. Eureka! A new toy! Hopefully, we won’t freak out about it. It is, after all, their toy! This is their body and it is their innocent need to discover how various parts function, feel and react. There have been countless studies and articles written about masturbation. Clearly, it is a healthy form of sexual exploration and usually begins in early childhood. So, that said, let’s think about how we, as parents and caretakers, can deal with this sometimes-embarrassing issue. Personally, it never bothered me when my toddlers began exploring their bodies. I’d gently point out that it wasn’t appropriate to do in front of most people and certainly not at dinner table but other than that, issue was never really an ... issue.
| | Children's AllowanceWritten by by Rexanne Mancini
When we consider that word allowance means, “allowing for,” it puts that “A” word into better perspective.Children will need access to their own stash of cash when they reach a certain age. Kids develop this need around age 8 or 9 and it grows into monster it will become by about age 15 or 16 ... they do get more expensive with age, don’t they? At age 8, we began giving our older daughter money for each A on her report card and for each 100% on tests. We receive flack from other parents about it to this day. Mainly, their argument is that children should do well in school because they “want to.” Is this same as “just because?” Sounds like it to me. I think parents are afraid to reward their kids for good grades simply because they feel this will set a bad example. But a bad example for what? That if they work hard and do well, they will get rewards? Isn’t that precisely how world works? We still think it’s a good idea, even 4 years later. This same daughter gets an allowance plus her good grade money. She can spend her “own” money on whatever trips her wire. She has learned not to squander everything on one momentarily gratifying purchase, she’s a whiz at making sure she’s given correct amount of change and her shopping savvy is positively inspiring. She also must put ten percent of her money in bank. It’s an amount not likely to be missed, but teaches her benefits of “paying yourself first.” She’s amassed quite savings account! My younger daughter is in first grade and beginning to demand her share of booty. She now gets money for perfect test scores and for a “good” report card. She receives a lot less than her sister but she’s 5 years younger and hasn’t learned to tell difference ... yet. She also gets a small allowance. She knows how much she has to spend and is learning rituals of managing her own money, too. While some children don’t really care about going to mall or buying their own special treats, most kids do care ... an awful lot. Children will begin craving all sorts of pricey, impractical things by a certain age. A good alternative to spending a fortune catering to their whims is teaching them to save for frivolous luxuries. If they want something impractical that we can’t rationalize buying for them, they’re on their own.
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