Childhood FriendshipsWritten by Rexanne Mancini
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary part of growing up. While some of our children will maintain these friendships into adulthood, many will not. Kids move away or they find other friends with more current interests and grow apart. Whatever form a childhood friendship is taking, know that these relationships are vital to your child’s well-being and growth as a human being. Your child may have one very special friend from time they are in diapers or they might have a gaggle of giggling girl friends or a thunderstorm of wild boy friends. These bonds can be helped along or a wedge can be placed between them by parents. Depending upon your feelings about your child’s friend, you could welcome child into your home and be gracious or you could find that child your child is enthralled with is a demon incarnate. It’s up to you to teach your kids how to interact in healthy ways with their peers or how to let negative friendships go. While I’ve been traumatized by a few of my daughters’ friends, I have liked most of them. The few children whom I found intolerable were not too welcome in my home, however, if one of my daughter’s insisted on a play date with that undesirable child, I would allow friendship to take its course, mostly to try and figure out what in world my child liked about her/him. Made for some interesting lessons in humanity. ;-) Most of these friendships have faded in good time, on their own. One or two of these kids have actually won me over and now are among my favorites, although I must admit these kids were basically OK to begin with. They just came with issues I didn’t want to deal with. I dealt for my child’s sake and all turned out well.
| | Gaining a Child’s TrustWritten by Rexanne Mancini
My daughters and I went to beach several weeks ago. They were having a blast playing in freezing cold water as I tiptoed around waves, trying to keep my feet from becoming frost bitten. Next to us in water was a mother with her daughter who was no more than 18 months old. This woman was holding her frightened little girl hostage in ocean as bitter cold waves crashed into her and rushed back with a fierce undertow. The poor child was screaming and crying, begging to be rescued from torture. Her mother thought this was amusing. She laughed at her baby’s fear and grinned at everyone around her. I was disgusted and horrified. I finally told mother that I didn’t find situation at all funny. I have no idea if my words had any impact. By then, my own kids had finally remembered they had nerve endings and were shivering uncontrollably, begging for warmth of their dry towels and warm sweatshirts. We left water’s edge and sickening site of mother traumatizing baby. Did this mother realize she was probably investing her daughter with an irrational fear of ocean? I doubt it. When I see a parent forcing a child to tolerate something potentially fear inducing, it curdles my blood. This child was traumatized and her mother was not helping her escape offensive waves. She was cause of her child’s trauma. Where is trust in this relationship? Will this little girl grow up believing that her mother will always be there for her or resent her mom for belittling her sensitivities? I think latter. I dread thinking about all ways this child will, in turn, torture her mother without realizing why. Will she try drugs or alcohol at an early age? Will she indulge in promiscuous sexual behavior at an inappropriate time? Will she be so anesthetized to her self-worth that she drives her first car into a wall at 18? Could be.
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