Every parent knows that financial resources needed to provide children with all they require and ask for is tremendous. Most single parents cannot afford to give their children all they wish they could. I was no different. When I did not receive child support that was agreed upon during my divorce, my reaction was quite common. It turned out to be futile, and tragic, at same time.

I borrowed money from my grandmother, hired an attorney, and went after child support with a vengeance. I had income deduction orders in effect. My former husband was sent to jail twice for failure to obey repeated court orders to pay child support. I was consumed with anger, and I justified my anger by focusing on, and trying to enforce, his responsibilities. However, I could not control his actions. I could not make him fulfill his responsibilities. At same time, I wasted thousands of borrowed dollars on legal fees that got me nowhere. This issue became a raging source of anguish and hostility between us. What I am about to say may shock you, and yet, I speak from bitter experience. If parent refuses to do what is required of them, all you can do is focus on fulfilling that need for yourself and your children, on your own.

Mind your own business. Their life is no longer married to yours.

Our children are not to be fought over like property. Children are not property, and parents do not own them.

The issue is not custody. It is loving children, sharing parental responsibility for their physical needs, and maintaining open communication between parents for sake of children.

If you file a custody suit out of bitterness, or to get personal revenge, or to avoid sharing parental responsibility with open communication, you commit a crime against your children.

No matter how much you may despise your former spouse, your children are as much a part of their other parent as they are of you.

No matter how much you may dread sharing open, healthy communication with your former spouse, you must do it to provide a role model of healthy adult communication for your children; they will need this vital resource when they become adults.

Psychologically healthy divorced parents show courtesy and respect to each other. Their children then internalize message that they are respected. Through open dialogue with each other, parents teach their children to speak their truth rather than sacrifice it to please one parent or blame other. Such parents give their children an invaluable gift.

When parents stop blaming and start to look within, they take personal responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and actions. The parents heal their issues, and their children are spared great pain.

I ask you, if you are a parent, to look to source of your pain. It is not with your former spouse. It is within you. Look closely at areas you vehemently guard. If you don't want open communication, do it anyway. Your children need to learn how to communicate.