Changing Your Partner

Written by Rinatta Paries

Relationships are never perfect, and rarely do perfect partners come together. At some point in every relationship, partners want to change something about each other.

The following are three schools of thought on changing another's behavior and an alternative to each one. You will findrepparttar alternatives more useful, easier to implement and more effective.

School of Thought I: -------------------- You may never change another, nor may you request change. Seeking change in another is avoiding changing yourself. Your partner is showing you something you don't like in yourself. The change must happen within you. You must strive to become such thatrepparttar 131382 other's behavior no longer bothers you.

The Alternative: ---------------- Look at yourself first. If you still find yourself needing to make a request, do it. This will give yourepparttar 131383 opportunity to practicerepparttar 131384 vital skills of asking for what you want and negotiating.

However, do be aware - making an effective request is definitely a skill. To learn this skill, please read next week's newsletter.

School of Thought II: --------------------- You must demand change fromrepparttar 131385 other because if he/she loved you enough surely there would be change. He/she is bad and wrong inrepparttar 131386 first place for doingrepparttar 131387 thing that upsets you. He/she is bad and wrong again for not changing without you having to say anything. He/she is very wrong for balking atrepparttar 131388 change once you demand it.

The Alternative: ---------------- People do what they do and say what they say not because of you but because of how they relate to others. This means if your partner is doing something to upset you or bug you, he/she is not doing it to you, just doing it. Moreover, people cannot read minds. If you do not communicate effectively when something is bothering you, you cannot expect change.

You should also know that when you demand, you are not likely to get what you want. And your partner definitely hasrepparttar 131389 right to say no.

Is your career classified 3F?

Written by Cathy Goodwin, Ph.D.

Whenrepparttar United States had a military draft, men with "4F" status were banned from military service. Some cherishedrepparttar 131379 designation while others felt cheated out ofrepparttar 131380 experience.

If you're seeking career freedom, you may feel blocked byrepparttar 131381 3F's: Fear, Focus and Finances -- and you can change your 3F status torepparttar 131382 fourth F, "Forward!"

Fear comes from giving up a cherished identity. Once you move to a new career, you have to find a new way to say, "I am" with pride and excitement. What will your former colleagues say? How will your family greetrepparttar 131383 new you? And how do you feel about trading in your "senior seasoned" identity forrepparttar 131384 role of a stumbling beginner? The risk is real. After starting a business or spending a few years in graduate school, you are no longerrepparttar 131385 same person. Your old career neighborhood changes, too. Returning home may no longer be an option. You overcome this block by learning to recognize fear as a powerful ally rather than a threat. Work with and throughrepparttar 131386 fear.

Focus requires you to choose a meaningful goal and then to avoidrepparttar 131387 siren call of your previous life. If you have wisely chosen to remain in a job while exploring your options, you must resist getting caught up inrepparttar 131388 politics and reward system of a world where you are no longer a citizen. You may need to findrepparttar 131389 inner resources to keep going, while sustainingrepparttar 131390 motivation and excitement of your new world.

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