One of most difficult challenges we face in our quest to be compassionate is dealing with conflict. Those we love most tend to be ones most likely to engage us in sparring that cuts deepest.

Why do we allow ourselves to use our harshest words and most acid tone of voice with people we love most?

Precisely because we love them most. We're counting on unconditional love. We know we are likely to be forgiven. We feel close enough to let our true ugliness shine. Blindingly.

We wouldn't dream of lashing out at our colleagues at work in this way. That would be way too risky. Instead, we bottle our daily frustration and dump it all over our loved ones when we get home.

Many of my clients struggle with showing compassion for their partners, children and parents when they are feeling stressed. Instead of relaxing into affection, they respond to requests or confrontation with anger. Most frustrating of all is fact that, while they are lashing out, they recognize that they are alienating those with whom they most want to feel a connection and find comfort. It's as though they are watching themselves lob grenades but are powerless to stop.

Before introduction of wicks, early Egyptians lit their reed torches by soaking them in molten tallow, which is fat from sheep or cattle. Romans later developed wick candles which they dipped into tallow.

By Middle Ages, beeswax was being used in making of some candles. The candles burned cleaner than tallow and had a more pleasant odor than tallow candles. However, they were more costly and only wealthy could afford them.

In Colonial times, settlers found they could boil berries from bayberry bush to make a sweet smelling and clean burning wax for their candles. Unfortunately, it was tedious work and it took many berries to make just one candle.