Caring vs. Caring Too MuchWritten by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
DEFINITIONSCaring - Being concerned about outcomes; paying just enough attention but not too much; to feel trouble or anxiety; to feel interest or concern. To overlook progress of others and projects, but to have faith and confidence in other people to look after themselves and do things well enough. Caring too much - Being too concerned about outcomes; paying too much attention; feeling too troubled or anxious; feeling overly concerned; not believing other people are competent and capable. Hovering over them and transmitting your anxiety to them so they become dysfunctional. COMPARISONS Supervising a project vs. Hovering over person Being concerned about someone and interested in outcome vs. Worrying anxiously over someone and trying to take over. Managing vs. Controlling Transmitting emotions of confidence and self-assurance v. Transmitting fear, worry and anxiety EXAMPLE Alice cared about outcome of project and made herself available to team for input and supervision. She had high emotional intelligence and was flexible and creative in planning and outcomes. She delegated easily and well. Because of this, team worked well, and had stamina to finish in style with plenty of energy left over for next project. Everyone enjoyed working with Alice because she brought out best in them and they built their self-esteem by completing successful projects. Harry was overly concerned about project. He was critical and demanding of himself and others and had low emotional intelligence. He could not be satisfied with less than perfection and drove himself and others. He hovered over everyone which destroyed their self-confidence, confused them, and pulled their focus away from work. His worry caused them to worry and undermined their self-confidence. As “primal leader,” he transmitted his anxiety to others. Every team and project he drove this way became cynical, insecure, exhausted and burnt out. No one wanted to work with him or under him, and best people would transfer out of his department. Eventually he was fired.
| | EQ vs. IQWritten by Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach
DEFINITIONSEQ - is a measure of your emotional intelligence, or your ability to use both your emotions and cognitive skills in your life. Emotional intelligence competencies include but are not limited to empathy, intuition, creativity, flexibility, resilience, coping, stress management, leadership, integrity, authenticity, intrapersonal skills and interpersonal skills. IQ - a number used to express apparent relative intelligence of a person that is ratio multiplied by 100 of mental age as reported on a standardized test to chronological age. IQ is measure of cognitive abilities, such as ability to learn or understand or to deal with new situations; skilled use of reason; ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests); mental acuteness; logic and analytical skills. COMPARISONS EQ gets you through life vs. IQ gets you through school Appealing to reason and emotions to convince someone vs. Trying to convince someone by facts alone Using your emotions as well as your cognitive abilities to function more effectively vs. Relying solely on your cognitive skills EXAMPLE Li Ying had a high IQ. She could reason, was analytical and logical, and had a steel-trap focus on tasks. She learned new things quickly. However, she ignored how he was feeling and how others were feeling. If things didn't do way she expected them to, she would lose her temper and lash out at others. She was unable to relate to people who weren't as smart as he was and lacked empathy. This limited her ability to be effective in team situations even though her IQ was very high.
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