Business Coaching Legacy: Reflections on What You Want to Leave Behind?Written by Ruth Zanes
Updating my will has been on my mind for quite some time now. Life circumstances change, kids grow-up, financial situations changes. I procrastinated for a very long time about this will. Now that it is, I feel very satisfied and pleased. There is peace in that corner of my mind that nagged and nagged about it for so long. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to realize that people, myself included, avoid making out wills because they don't want to confront their own mortality or have to face up to making difficult decisions.
One of things I learned from process of making a will is that a will is an expression of love for living. After all, loss of you will be difficult enough for your loved ones to bear. Why add to their angst with legal problems, emotional confrontations with family members and possible financial losses.
The living, that is, those left behind, will make of a will what they will. Make no mistake, will, is taken seriously by those left behind. Understand there will be no opportunity to explain what you really intended by leaving some treasured object to cousin Jo or why you named Sally your executor instead of your older son Bob. The child who is convinced that you love others more than him will be looking for something in will that proves him right and may very well find it in spite of how careful you are not to have anything in will that might be misconstrued in that direction. So, it is a good idea to use simplest language and clearest grammatical structure as possible.
The Last Will and Testament is exactly that. You don't get a second chance. After I dealt with distribution of tangibles - financial assets, money and physical objects accumulated and treasured for so much of a lifetime you confront most important part of your legacy. .
Making a will is a poignant reminder that physical stuff, including money, doesn't really amount to very much when all is said and done. Perhaps appropriate background music for will making is song "Is That All There Is?" My answer to that musical conundrum is a resounding, "No." That isn't all there is. The tangible things we leave behind have little to do with real legacy we leave. The real legacy is one we fashion each day of our lives by way we live and who we are being.
How do you want to be remembered? Are you living your life in a way that is consistent with legacy you really want to leave. Do you even know nature of legacy you want to leave or are you like Alfred Nobel who was fortunate enough to read his obituary printed prematurely in daily newspaper? Much to his chagrin obituary described fame and fortune he accumulated from his invention of dynamite. Nobel decided then and there that dynamite and its awful potential for destruction was not achievement for which he wanted to be remembered. And, so he established prestigious Nobel Prizes. Today, when name Nobel comes up first association is with prizes. Relatively few know he is inventor of dynamite.
Love Could Be An Errand AwayWritten by Toni Coleman, LCSW
You have signed up on several large dating sites and posted a great profile. So far, you've had some nice responses, but these haven't led to a meeting yet. Someone told you about a singles group at your church and there is an organization in your city for singles who want to volunteer, and hopefully meet other like-minded people. You've lost count of all parties, happy hours and clubs you've been to, hoping to meet compatible singles. Whew! It's a lot of effort just to be in right place at right time with right people.
Or is it?
In towns and cities everywhere there are single people (like yourself) going about their daily lives. Schedules consist of long hours at work and/ or school, commuting, appointments, errands, leisure time pursuits/activities and everything else that is part of fabric of one's existence. In course of a day, average person encounters many strangers on street, elevator, store, metro, etc. Have you ever really thought about possibility that Mr/Ms Right could be person behind you in line or across aisle on metro? If not, now is a good time to raise your awareness and broaden your thinking on subject of how and where you can meet compatible singles. Armed with some newly acquired skills, your next chance encounter could lead to a first date and more. The following are areas to start building expertise that will help you to stand out and get right kind of attention when an attractive stranger comes into your sights.
* Always be prepared. You just never know, so you need to make that extra effort before you rush out of house. Take a quick look in mirror, comb your hair and change those (horrid) old sweats into a nice pair of jeans. How you feel about yourself will be projected onto those around you, and really - you do look like your mother in THOSE pants.
* Raise your general awareness of what and who is around you. Don't walk with you head down, avoiding any eye contact. Try smiling at people you pass on street and offer a nice greeting or remark to folks who wait on you when you shop, do your banking, pick up your clothes at cleaners, etc. Take special note of strangers who appear to be single and to have characteristics you seek and surreptitiously check to see if that cute guy/girl is looking your way. If so, smile and say hello if it feels appropriate to do so.
* Watch your body language. Along with holding your head up, remember to keep those shoulders back and walk with a comfortable erectness. Have an "open" posture. Don't wrap your arms around yourself as you stand or huddle in a corner when waiting/standing in a line. The eyes say it all; so let yours say "friendly." Communicate to others that you are approachable and let them see that you are interested- if you are. What you don't say speaks volumes.
* Learn to be a good flirt. Along with body language and communicating interest with your eyes, you will probably need to smile and have a few good lines available. Rule of thumb- only approach someone who is reciprocating your interest through his or her non-verbal language. Starting with a question is always a good move. Make it real, non-threatening and impersonal. For instance, you are in a sandwich shop grabbing lunch and you are standing in back of a very cute guy. "Excuse me, have you ever tried Italian sub here?" "It looks really good, but I hate it when they add too much oil." Safe, easy to answer and very open-ended. This allows other person to share their experience with shop (or lack of) and to add any comments or ask a question of their own. If they do, respond back with something that offers them chance to keep talking.