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| | Chasing After Child Support Written by By Barbara Rose
Child support is often a source of contention between divorced parents of minor children. I understand this. I have been there. In an ideal situation, parent who is responsible for paying child support does so out of love for his or her children. Unfortunately, many of our post-marital relationships are not ideal. Many parents do not pay child support. Some because they genuinely cannot afford to do so. Others parents simply are not willing to. In latter case, they resent giving money to their former spouse. Bitterness results. Fighting ensues, and child support enforcement battles begin. Every parent knows that financial resources needed to provide children with all they require and ask for is tremendous. Most single parents cannot afford to give their children all they wish they could. I was no different. When I did not receive child support that was agreed upon during my divorce, my reaction was quite common. It turned out to be futile, and tragic, at same time. I borrowed money from my grandmother, hired an attorney, and went after child support with a vengeance. I had income deduction orders in effect. My former husband was sent to jail twice for failure to obey repeated court orders to pay child support. I was consumed with anger, and I justified my anger by focusing on, and trying to enforce, his responsibilities. However, I could not control his actions. I could not make him fulfill his responsibilities. At same time, I wasted thousands of borrowed dollars on legal fees that got me nowhere. This issue became a raging source of anguish and hostility between us. What I am about to say may shock you, and yet, I speak from bitter experience. If parent refuses to do what is required of them, all you can do is focus on fulfilling that need for yourself and your children, on your own. When a parent refuses to take responsibility for their children, you cannot change them. Yes, it is wrong. Yes, it is not fair. Yes, it is for children. However, when a parent chooses to do what is right, fair and just for his or her own child, that is solely their choice. No matter how hard you try, you cannot force another person to fulfill their obligations. For when you do, retaliation results in form of revenge.
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