My dear owner,Thank you once again for giving me shelter. (Lick, slurp, lick, slurp) Aside from food, shelter and love, my needs are simple and few! Since I am dependent upon you to provide for me, we should discuss my basic needs. I can lend you
canine insight that you may lack as a human, particularly if I am your first canine companion pet.
Of course, I require a steady supply of food and fresh water, and while I long for
same quality of culinary delight that you routinely enjoy, I know that's an unrealistic expectation. As long as you feed me something that's nutritionally suited for my species, I'll happily devour whatever little morsels of people food you throw my way. I'm not particularly fond of that stuff that comes from
tap, but it'll do in a pinch. I draw
line at drinking from toilets.
Splish splash
In addition to my regular veterinary care, I'll need a flea and tick collar at a bare minimum. How would you like those critters crawling all over you? Please help me to prevent them from crawling on me.
If you want to show me off for company, how about you pick up some grooming aids so I can look my sexy best? I SO look forward to weekly shampoos. Who needs rubber duckies when you get to splash at humans at bath time? I understand that humans multitask, and I love those massages with
grooming gloves, so we could watch TV together while you give my coat a nightly massage. I cannot vacuum after myself (but maybe you could suggest that as an advanced course at obedience school), so you might want to pick up some of those hair pickup tools for yourself.
A bowl of my very own
I could use a doggie bowl or two, something simple, yet elegant, perhaps something with my name on it. It's not that I mind sharing your everyday bowls, but it would be nice to have something that's all mine when it comes to feeding and watering troughs. I'll need one for food and one for water, and an everyday pattern will suffice—no need for an expensive china pattern.
Collars and other jewelry
I look forward to our walks together, but it's just too tempting for me to stray when you walk me without a leash. I think
government suits must be on to us doggies, since they've enacted those pesky leash laws everywhere. So, if you want to continue spending this quality time with me, you'll need to find a leash that fits me properly, is strong enough to hold me, and is
proper length. If it's too long, I'll trip all over myself, but if it's not long enough, I won't have
room I need to roam. I know that there is a dizzying array of leashes available, but please use a little discretion and choose one with
right "look" for my breed so that all
other doggies don't make fun of me. They can be so darn cruel!