Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 4

Written by Rinatta Paries


Finally, after all ofrepparttar hard work you have done completing your past, here is a way to break your relationship pattern.

Relationship choices are often based on patterns created in our childhood. These patterns are automatic and subliminal. We believe ours isrepparttar 101833 way relationships ought to be.

There is no problem having a pattern that leads you to loving, satisfying, long-term relationships. However, many people have patterns that cause them nothing butrepparttar 101834 heartache of unsuccessful relationships.

There is a way out, a way for you to be free of your particular pattern and to be free to make your relationship choices based on what you need and want. The best way is to understand where your relationship pattern comes from. Then you can consciously choose what works for you and what doesn't, what you want to continue and what you want to stop, and how you want your next relationship to be.

Below is a powerful exercise. In doing this exercise, you will discover information about your relationships and yourself. Knowledge of yourself is freedom to choose, freedom to act differently, freedom to have what you want.

Pattern Trackerę

Section 1. Instructions: Answerrepparttar 101835 following question for all of your significant past relationships. Significant means you had or still have strong feelings aboutrepparttar 101836 person. Go backwards in your history, starting withrepparttar 101837 most recent relationship. Write down your answers.

* What hurtful things did your partner do in your last relationship? * What hurtful things did your partner do inrepparttar 101838 relationship before that? * What aboutrepparttar 101839 relationship before that?

Section 2. Instructions: Answerrepparttar 101840 following questions and write down your answers.

* What hurtful things did your parent ofrepparttar 101841 opposite sex do to his/her partner? * What hurtful things did your parent ofrepparttar 101842 same sex do to his/her partner? * What hurtful things did your parent ofrepparttar 101843 opposite sex do to you? * What hurtful things did your parent ofrepparttar 101844 same sex do to you?

Section 3. Instructions: You will need to refer to your responses fromrepparttar 101845 previous two sections. To make answeringrepparttar 101846 following questions easier, you may want to copy out those responses. Write down your answers.

* What arerepparttar 101847 similarities betweenrepparttar 101848 hurtful behaviors of your parents and your past partners? * Arerepparttar 101849 behaviors opposite?

Section 4. Instructions: Answerrepparttar 101850 following questions, writing down your answers.

* Your parents' relationship with each other and with you isrepparttar 101851 basis for your relationship pattern. What kinds of pattern were you programmed to have in your intimate relationship? * Are you repeating your parents' relationship pattern in your own relationships? * Are you reacting to your parents' relationship by doingrepparttar 101852 opposite of their pattern?

Example: (Names and details changed to preserve privacy)

When my client Sonya did this exercise, she filled out Section 1 by listing all three of her significant relationship partners as unavailable and uninterested. Her most recent partner, Jeff, lives in New York, while she lives in Boston. He was barely making time for her. They were only seeing each other once a month and even then he would find reasons to be away from her. He was very argumentative and would never berepparttar 101853 one to say he was sorry.

Her previous partner, Ronald, simply did not want to continue in their relationship. Every time something would go wrong, he would back away a little bit more until there was no longer a relationship. Sonya wrote down that Ronald was unavailable because he was unable to be emotionally close. He was also uninterested -- he did eventually walk away fromrepparttar 101854 relationship. This man was not argumentative, instead avoiding arguments at all cost.

Sonya's very first significant partner, Rob, wasrepparttar 101855 love of her life. They loved each other deeply, but even that did not keep them together or prevent him from doing hurtful things. Asrepparttar 101856 relationship progressed he started to withdraw more and more. Eventually he lost interest in her physically. They tried to work it out, but he would shy away from confrontation and nothing ever got resolved.

Here is Sonya's Section 1: * Jeff was unavailable, uninterested and argumentative. * Ronald was unavailable and uninterested, and avoided confrontation. * Rob was withdrawn, uninterested, and avoided confrontation.

Sonya had to think hard about Section 2. She did not want to blame her parents or make them look bad. But as she thought about their relationship with each other and with her, she began to see some patterns.

Do You Have The Four D's You Need For Success?

Written by Gordon Bellows


In order to achieve any amount of success in your life, it is important that you understand four basic characteristics. Let's call these four attributesrepparttar four D's of success, and they are vital no matter what level of success you want.

Desire - Decision - Determination - Discipline

Desire isrepparttar 101832 most essential ofrepparttar 101833 D's. Without desire,repparttar 101834 other fundamental things just don't matter. There are many things we might like to have, and perhaps, we envy someone who already has something we like. However, we are not very likely to have these things for ourselves without desire. Not just a feeling of wanting something or thinking it would be nice, but a deep-down burning desire, a do-it-or-else attitude and a willingness to make sacrifices to reach that goal. By sacrifices, I mean things like giving uprepparttar 101835 extra servings to lose weight, watching less TV to have more time available for a special project, doing without a few things to be able to save money for a down payment on a new house. Without a strong desire,repparttar 101836 sacrifices may become more of a dreaded chore than a means to an end, in which case we are more likely to just give up and abandonrepparttar 101837 goal.

Decisions need to be made once you have a clear-cut desire. You want to accomplish a specific goal and now you need to decide how to do it. Decide on a method to reach your goal and how long it might take to get there. You can usually find valuable information that is related to your goal in a bookstore,repparttar 101838 library, or onrepparttar 101839 Internet. Other times, you might need to talk to someone who has accomplished a similar goal. Also, decide what sacrifices, if any, may be necessary for you to make in order to reach your goal. Reaching a goal is often easier by breaking a major goal into mini-goals, each one being a milestone in itself.

Cont'd on page 2 ==>
 
ImproveHomeLife.com © 2005
Terms of Use