Breaking Your Relationship Pattern, Part 1 Written by Rinatta Paries
When you were little, you looked up to your parents. You imitated their mannerisms, words, and actions as you learned about life by watching them. This applies to relationships as well - you leaned about relationships by watching them.
Not all you learned about relationships came from your parents; your learning has continued throughout your life. But what you saw your parents do in relationships, how you interpreted what you saw, and how you felt about it, is foundation of your adult relationships.
That's not to say that your parents were wrong or bad parents, or even that they had a bad relationship. The only thing that can be said is if intimate relationships are problematic for you, source is inevitably your foundational learning.
If a great relationship, a great partner, is what you are after, you must see, understand, and deconstruct your foundational learning about relationships. To take apart a foundation of something is a delicate thing. Imagine trying to remove or change foundation of a house while leaving rest of house standing intact. Not an easy task. But in order to have a great relationship, you need to reconstruct your foundational learning while leaving you intact.
To begin, you must get complete with your parents. If you still have negative feelings about what they did to you or each other, you will create situations in your intimate relationships where you will confront these same negative feelings. To see an illustration of this in you own life, take PatternTrackerTM Quiz at http://www.whatittakes.com/Quiz2/patterntracker.html.
Cross It Off Your ListWritten by Liz Sumner, M.A.
This is for people who can't seem to get everything done. Those of you who efficiently take care of every detail ahead of time don't need to read any further.
As a recovering procrastinator I have a great deal of experience with To Do lists. I've embellished them with multi-color highlighters, experimented with assorted list-making software, anything to keep from actually doing tasks. Along way I've learned a few tricks you may find helpful.
Make List Don't just let have-tos rattle around in your head making you crazy. Actually write down all things you're worried about getting done. Then you won't have to spend energy constantly remembering them. I like to start with one main list of everything on my mind in no particular order and then make subsequent lists. Another way is to use sticky notes. You can organize them into categories afterwards. Then I see that Rake Leaves, Move Lawn Furniture, Winterize Garden, and Do Yard Work all go together and aren't really four different things.
Prioritize Ask yourself is it really essential? Is it something you want to do? Is result something you want? Does somebody else think you should do it? If that person is government, your doctor, or your boss it should probably stay on hot list. But if not, consider setting it aside for now. You could end up with lists called Must, Would Be Nice, and Who Cares. Sometimes act of placing an item on one list or another helps you determine its importance. Anything left on Who Cares list at end of this process gets crumpled up and tossed.
First Things First Which items are time-sensitive? Are deadlines looming that you mustn't miss? Are downstream events dependent on completion of certain items? It's generally at this point that my anxiety level has subsided enough to unbundle general headings into smaller pieces. For example Do Financial Stuff gets broken down so that Pay Current Bills goes on one list and File Bank Statements goes on another.