Break-ups: How To Survive Them

Written by Kali Munro, M.Ed.

The loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard - you can feel so much pain. There's not onlyrepparttar grief from losing someone important in your life, butrepparttar 126259 pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well. Sometimes this isrepparttar 126260 hardest part - having to totally readjust your view of how you saw your life unfolding inrepparttar 126261 next 5 to10 years. Suddenly, you can't see intorepparttar 126262 future and it's scary.

Feeling Like You're Starting Over

You may feel like you're starting over - that you've lost everything that was important to you and you're not sure what to do anymore. It may be hard for you to imagine your life without your partner - your lives have been so intertwined.

Let yourself know that you will get through this.

Having Difficulty Trusting Again

You may find yourself questioning who you can trust, including your own judgement since you may not have expectedrepparttar 126263 break-up. You may wonder if you were wrong to have trusted your partner. You may begin to question how real your relationship was because if it was real how could it be over?

Your ability to trust may feel shaky. You probably trusted your partner, and expected your relationship to last. You may feel alone and abandoned, even if you'rerepparttar 126264 one who decided to leave.

While it takes time, you can re-build trust in yourself and others again. Even though this relationship is over that doesn't mean that you were wrong to trust her/him, and even if you were that doesn't mean that you'll make that mistake again. You can learn from this.

Having an Identity Crisis

You may experience an identity crisis, not knowing who you are any more without your partner. Not necessarily because you didn't have your own identity while inrepparttar 126265 relationship, but that your relationship had become part of that identity.

This too will change and you will feel more secure in yourself again.

Feeling Triggered

Break-ups can hurt immensely and shake us to our very core. They can throw us right back torepparttar 126266 feelings we had in our first relationships -repparttar 126267 ones we had with our parents.

If as a child, your relationship with your parents were loving and supportive, you may find yourself wanting to be with them, even wanting to be a child again when it felt safer and easier.

If your relationship with your parents was difficult, lacking, or abusive you may feel some ofrepparttar 126268 feelings that you felt with them (even if you weren't aware of them as a child.) You may feel as though you are drowning in grief and feelings of abandonment. If you feel as though you are being punished or thatrepparttar 126269 break-up means that you are unloveable, or unworthy of love, you are probably triggered - those are messages, beliefs or feelings that usually originate in childhood.

At times of loss, it is very common for feelings, beliefs and memories from past hurts, traumas, and losses to come up. Not only are you dealing withrepparttar 126270 present loss, but your past losses as well. No wonder, it hurts so much! And, there are ways to cope with triggers.

How To Survive The Triggers

It is really important that you try to separate out which of your feelings, beliefs and responses belong torepparttar 126271 present situation and which ones belong torepparttar 126272 past. This is hard to do when you're feeling overwhelmed but it can also help you to feel less overwhelmed. Separating past and present feelings will help you to attach less of your pain torepparttar 126273 break-up and can help you to feel more hopeful about getting over this break-up, because maybe you are not as upset aboutrepparttar 126274 break-up as you thought. You're still just as upset but it can be helpful to know that it's not all aboutrepparttar 126275 break up, that some is also coming fromrepparttar 126276 past.

When you know that you are triggered (past feelings and issues are coming torepparttar 126277 surface) you can find ways to comfort or reassure yourself, or to deal with those issues in other ways. The first step though is to separaterepparttar 126278 past fromrepparttar 126279 present.

Ways of separatingrepparttar 126280 past fromrepparttar 126281 present include:

Ask yourself where your feelings are coming from, and notice what you become aware of, including later on inrepparttar 126282 day.

Notice whether your feelings are familiar to you - whether you've felt this way before - and if so remind yourself that some of your feelings are probably coming fromrepparttar 126283 past.

Spend time being aware ofrepparttar 126284 past origins of your feelings if you know, and if that's not too overwhelming for you.

Let yourself know that even if you don't know where all of your feelings are coming from, it's likely that some of how you are feeling is fromrepparttar 126285 past.

Stages of Grief

You will get through this, even if it doesn't feel like that right now. Grief moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are inrepparttar 126286 process.

Inrepparttar 126287 beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that's notrepparttar 126288 case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend thatrepparttar 126289 relationship is over.


Written by Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein

In other weeks, you have learned many ways to get in touch with your personal enchantment. In this article, I would like to share several personal stories of enchantment with you.

Kay's happiest moments as a child were with a pencil and a sketchpad or watercolors. Her life as an adult has been very stressful: difficult teenage children, and a marriage that left much to be desired. One of her goals in treatment with me was to get back some ofrepparttar joy she experienced as a child. She consciously practiced taking time for herself everyday, in order to draw.

Talking about her vacation torepparttar 126258 Bahamas, which she went on recently, she said, "It was filled withrepparttar 126259 usual family bickering, but I'm proud of myself that every night, asrepparttar 126260 sun set, I was able to get out my sketch pad and draw. I didn't allow my family to get inrepparttar 126261 way of this wonderful part of me that I've rediscovered. Evenrepparttar 126262 first night after we got home, I got out my paints and put in some personal art time. I love being able to own my own talent, and realize that no one can interfere with it. I share everything else in my life, but my talent belongs to me alone. I love every moment of my "me" time.

Tess enjoyed making doll's clothing as a child. The feel andrepparttar 126263 sight ofrepparttar 126264 needle flying in and out ofrepparttar 126265 cloth was very soothing to her. As a young adult, she had a boyfriend who at first seemed to be a perfect match with her. But soon his negativity got her down and made her feel unhappy. She found that she was not using her artistic talents anymore. She realized that she was trying to deny certain parts of herself in order to makerepparttar 126266 relationship work. But in spite of her efforts, it just wasn't working. When Tess finally gotrepparttar 126267 courage to suggest joint therapy to her boyfriend, he declined, and after much fighting he suggested that they split up. And they did break up.

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